Exploring a New Bible

I am both a visual and hands on learner.  In High-school I discovered that if I physically underlined the info I was reading in a bright highlighter it would stick better.  When I could not underline the info due to it being in a text book I rewrote it in a note book pretty much verbatim.  When I took notes in class I also doodled and made designs, and these images helped to cement the new material into my mind and memory. 

As you can see this has carried over into how I study my Bible.  My Bible is highlighted, underlined and marked in a wide variety of colors and each color stands out as something significant to me.  I make notes in the margins, in the gaps between paragraphs and in the white space as I find a need.  In last two years maybe I even started to sketch little images sometimes nothing more then a stick figures to remind me of something I learned about the passage or a sermon heard over the passage.   This practice has helped me to commit much of God’s Word to memory and I can draw upon it as needed.  However I don’t recall a verse or passage  in the “normal way” by its book and number, nearly as much as I can see the array of the colors I have highlighted on the page.  

 “There is a promise in the New Testament marked in Purple, and the verses right below it are in lime green cause they are a prayer, while on the opposite side are some favorite verses on how to walk in blue, warnings against sin in pink etc, etc.”  

I relish reading the Bible in various translations.   So often you get to glimpse a familiar passage in a completely new light!  Still, I always go back to the the NKJV as that is the bible I owned soon after accepting Christ and therefore that is the Bible I first read and started committing to memory.  For me it always sounds better in that version then in other versions; it feels most like “Home”.  

For Christmas I bought myself a new Bible.  It had wide margins with lines meant for taking notes or illustrating.   I have been exploring my artistic side, recently and I thought I would fill those margins with pictures and artsy lettering.  I forgot how short my attention span is for things like that.  Besides my heart and inquisitive mind took over and I soon found I could fill the whole margin with notes, ideas and even partial teachings to share with others.  Funny how I now more room then I have ever had before to make observations and yet I often find I am running out of room to write.  I guess it is like women and big purses. 

Personally, I have never understood the appeal of lugging around a large and bulky purse. I see one so large and think how could you ever need that much stuff?   Yet the ladies I know who own them, have them filled with things they find essential.  In a restaurant once my Grammy pulled scissors out of her purse to trim a straw shorter for one of my little brothers.  One friend kept granola bars and a small bottled water for her kids when they were close to a melt down from hunger.   I have seen sewing kits, band-aids and books pulled out to kill time.  , partly cause I have never felt the need to take the Kitchen sink on any outings...but truthfully I am afraid I would find essentials to fill it and then I would need a larger handbag....wait how did we start talking about purses?  Weren't we discussing the Bible?  Sorry for the random tangent.  It wont be the last I am sure.  It's like my friend Kayla....... No, back on topic!

  There is a real thrill to taking a Bible with its plain white pages, that has not yet been read and making them mine, marking them.  Is this normal? Or am I a bit strange?

God's Rainbow - Genesis 9

I will never win any awards for penmanship! 

and how does one manage to spell Egypt Eggipt?

I am seriously running out of room for writing???

What to Do with Snakes

I’m staying at my mom’s place for the next few months helping her out with a few projects.  The other morning I was sitting at a desk set up in a spare bedroom.  When out of the corner of my eye and directly behind and above me no less I see and hear a mouse trap rustling.  Looking up I can see the cardboard sticky trap as it seems to move precariously on the shelf above.  I could just imagine that mouse who must have been only partly caught tumbling onto myself or the desk.  I really am not a fan of mice and so in moment I was up the stairs to recruit help.  My mom has never really feared mice or if she did she has had a lifetime of hiding it.   So she grabs some gloves and follows me to the basement.  

As we stand staring at the shelf trying to figure out if the mouse was still there, I notice this black pipe protruding down from the crawl space above.  In a nano seconds my mind comes to the conclusion I have never seen this pipe before, and that wiggling box from earlier had moved with the a serpent like rythem.  Leaning around my mom who was near the shelf I am staring at the pipe and breathing out a curse word I say with horror. “$#!@, I think it’s a snake!”  and in moment we both saw that indeed it was and somehow retreated up the stairs in double time!!

The story goes on how we bravely came up with a way to grab it, but fear overtook us both and we could not do it. After a few phone calls a neighbors farm hand came to our rescue.  It was in those moments while mom was up calling neighbors for help that I  stood vigil at the door.  I making sure I could see where the vile little serpent  was should he tumble from his hiding place to the shelf or worse yet the floor below.  A snake loose in the house is much worse if you don’t know where he is.  Alone, standing guard. I remembered that a long time ago I wrote about a snake story I had heard on the radio.

What to Do with Snakes.

I was headed towards Sioux Falls, SD listening to an oldies station.  When on the radio some guy started to talk about snakes.  “Did you know the most common phobia in America is the fear of snakes?”  The man’s voice asked.   I had always thought the most common fear was public speaking, but a fear of snakes makes sense.   I was relived to hear it wasn’t a fear of  hearing the sound of balloons popping or a fear of condiments!  I have actually met a few people now, who are afraid of things like hearing a balloon burst, mustard or  mayonnaise….it’s really hard to know how to be a good friend when all I really want to do is ask them why they fear this substance while slowly spreading it onto a sandwich…I’m kinda mean spirited I guess.    

The radio persona went on to give an account of a guy who found a snake in his basement, panicking the fella doused the snake with kerosene, lit the creature on fire and burned his entire house down.  All out of a fear of snakes.  

Now I have to admit I understand about being afraid of snakes.  I hate them!  In fact the only person I have ever punched was over a snake.  I was 4 years old at the time.  I had been riding in the back of the camper with my Grammy.   Suddenly Granddad stopped the truck and came to the back, Gram and I listened, wondering what the trouble was, as he opened the tail gate and then the door to our cozy little home away from home.  

“Hey I want to show you something, Granddad beckoned to me.”  

 Trustingly  I jumped into my hero’s open arms.  

“What is it?”

  I asked eagerly as he carried me, back down the highway.  Ahead of us all I could see was a piece of rope lying in the middle of the road.   Astoundingly that little rope began to move, all by itself.  Granddad quickly scooped up the tiny little snake.  His intent was to show me that snakes were nothing to be afraid of, however I panicked.  Here I was held securely in his left arm and in his right hand was that awful, little forked tongued serpent.  Screaming and crying I began to kick, punch, do everything I could to get away from that vicious little monster.  It was only seconds before Granddad had to drop the snake in order to keep from dropping me.    Years later I learned I clocked him pretty hard in the nose.  

A couple years later my mom tried again.  This time she wanted to teach my dog to hate snakes.  We had rattlers on our property, so her hope was if the dog and I ever found one the dog would protect me and kill it.  So here we were on a camping trip in the Big Horn Mountains, mom uses a stick to pick up a little water snake and thrust it at my dog.  Only I screamed, and ran away with my pup closely at my heels.  I ran to the safety of some nearby campers and told them how my mean mom was chasing us with a scary, scaly snake

I can even understand the guy who out of fear accidently burnt down his entire house…sometimes you just can’t think straight.  Like this one time my brothers and I were coming home from school.  The bus dropped us off at the top of the driveway.  It was about a football field’s length to the house.  Just inches in front of me I noticed a big bull snake slithering into his hole.  I had no choice but to step over him.  I took about three more steps when suddenly it hit me, that was a snake!  “Snake!!!”  I screamed, dropping my books I ran the rest of the way down the hill, leaving my little brothers to fend for themselves….the funny thing is I had already calmly stepped over and past it, before panic took over.  

After becoming a Christian and reading the account of Adam and Eve I rationalized this fear.  It is part of the curse, perfectly normal.  After all God told Eve there would be animosity between her seed and the serpent’s seed.  I’m a daughter of Eve and therefore destined to hate snakes.  Course then some Smart-Alec points out the part in the NT where Jesus tells us he has given us authority to trample on snakes and scorpions.  

The announcer again asked, “In an average year how many people actually die from the bite of a venomous snake?”  My guess was 20-30, maybe 100 world-wide.  The answer was two, and yet scores of people get injured or even die out of their fearful response to seeing a snake.  I mean people have heart attacks, get in wrecks, run and fall, all at the sight of a snake.  The radio announcer went on too encourage the listening audience to learn to think rationally when it comes to snakes.  To not let vivid imaginations blow things out of perspective, to keep the truth in mind.  He then went on to explain that snakes in our lives could be bills, challenges at work, difficulties in relationships, health issues, etc.  The entire account took only a few minutes then the man’s wisdom was replaced with another rocking tune from the early 60’s.  Instead I turned down the volume to ponder the words.  

Immediately I thought of the Apostle Paul.  Paul was a man who knew his share of troubles.  He had spent time in prison for preaching the gospel.  He had been beaten and whipped for his faith, 8 different times, he had even been stoned.  Three times he had been shipwrecked.  In fact it was during one of those shipwrecks that Paul encountered a snake.  

You see after the shipwreck they had been marooned on this island inhabited by a barbaric tribe.  Paul, immediately set to work, building a fire to warm up the other survivors.  Yet while collecting a bundle of wood this viper, crawl out and bites him, injecting its venom into Paul.  

The superstitious islanders immediately assume that Paul must be some sort of vicious criminal like a murderer and that’s whey the gods were killing him off with a snake bite.  Paul shook the snake into the fire and went about his work.  I have often thought about that…how would I have responded?  Firstly I would have lacked Paul’s calmness and freaked out at the sight of the viper.   Let alone having its teeth latched into my arm.  Other people would have probably gotten hurt as I ran around screaming and in all likelihood would end up flinging the dang thing into someones lap.  

More then that though I think I would have been angry with God, for allowing so many bad things to happen.  I mean here is Paul, serving God, preaching the gospel, and he is beaten, arrested, tried, and tried again.  He is shipwrecked, survives the shipwreck only to be bitten by a poisonous snake.  If it had been me I would have been asking “God don't you love me?  Why have you forsaken me?”

Yet Paul didn’t question God’s love, or His protection, in fact he didn’t blame God at all.  Instead when that critter latched onto his hand, Paul shook his hand till he shook the snake off and it was cast into the fire.   The Islander’s watched and waited fully expecting Paul to get sick, keel over and die.  Yet Paul did not die, instead he continued serving the other shipwrecked survivors.  You see this apostle had an understanding of the purpose God had for his life.  He was confident that God had bigger plans for him yet and therefore a little ole snake bites was not going to stop him.  He also knew that God had given His followers the authority to trample on snake and scorpions.  

Jesus had promised his followers that as they went out and preached the gospel, signs would follow verifying their message was from above.  Signs such as- healing the sick, casting out demons, raising the dead and that they could take up snakes, and they would not be harmed.  So Paul walked in the authority given to Him by the King of all Kings and he shook off that snake.  And guess what happened, the islanders seeing that God’s hand was upon him they began to bring the sick to Paul so that he could pray for them and Paul  was able to share the good news with them!  Revival broke out all because Paul walked in the peace and joy of the Lord.

That’s what we need to do, when we are assaulted by trials, burdened with problems, weighed down with opposition.  We need to shake it off and set our eyes on Jesus and finish the course He has set for us.

Road Thoughts

One of my fondest Childhood memories would be sitting in the passenger seat while my Granddad made deliveries of fuel.  I wasn’t old enough to go to school and he was getting close to retirement age, but the years between us did not diminish our connection.  He was my hero, and  in the cab of that truck I was awed by his stories, his knowledge, and his sense of humor.  

On those days when I got to tag along with him to work, it was as if we magically became the only two people in the world. On the dashboard a little brightly colored plastic hand waved back and forth to the people we passed.  All the rigs had one, it had the business information for Husky Oil printed on it,  But Granddad’s was different from the ones in the other trucks.  It was originally red, but the sun had faded it to a shade of pink.  My Granddad had cut the fingers off the plastic hand at the knuckles so that it would match his own.  He had done the same with his leather work gloves.    

I was always fascinated by his hands, they like his arms were permanently tanned brown.  His fingers had been cut off in an oil derrick back when he was a young man.  Though I had always been told it was the result of thumb sucking or nose picking.   On his right hand he had 4 stubs and a thumb, on his left he had a thumb, the pointer finger, 2/3 of a middle finger half of a ring finger and not a bit of pinky.  He used to joke telling  people that he was all thumbs.  He was not handicapped in anyway though!   He was a skilled craftsman and even played the piano.  Though in reality he only played three songs that I can recall, Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater, Chopsticks and half of a duet known as The Knuckle Song that required rolling his stumps up and down a scale and hitting the end note twice with his thumb or “pinky”.  The tune was reminicent of something you just might hear at a circus.  I would describe it to you if I thought you could read my “Droonk-toon-toon,  Droonk-toon-toon” in the same melodious way my memory replays it.”

 In order to peer out the windshield I had to sit on my knees.  Yet even as a child I was mesmerized by the way our truck seemed to devour the yellow and white lines on the highway.  Delivering fuel in rural Wyoming we saw some the best land God ever created.  My favorite route was always Sunlight Basin and the Chief Joseph Scenic Highway just outside of our hometown of Cody, WY.  Truth be told, I held my breath in fear that our truck would roll down the mountainside as Granddad skillfully drove it down those gravel switch backs.  I did the same thing when we went up there in his yellow pick up truck on fishing trips.   Yet once in the valley itself we were able to see true splendor, snow capped mountains, quaking aspens, elk, moose, clear running streams.  Lunch was eaten next to an artesian spring.  The water was so cold, it would sting my fingers, as I held the mouth of our canteen under the powerful flow.  

It’s been nearly two decade since my Granddad Basil A. Underwood passed away.   I still love the mountains.  That same artesian spring is still flowing just as strongly as ever.  I know because I always stop and fill up my water bottles as I pass it.   Most of all, I still enjoy driving down the highway watching as my pickup truck seems to eat up those yellow and white lines.  Things are clearer; life makes sense as you gaze through a windshield.  I do all my best thinking there!

Now my traveling partner is the Lord, and in that sanctuary commonly known as the cab of my truck, car or whatever vehicle I may be driving these days we can talk, and I can hear Him.  Setting behind the wheel, I have cried and yelled at God, when life really sucked.  I have voiced arguments or retold events in my life that my heart was struggling to grasp.   I have also raised my hands in surrender, worship and my voice in prayer.  It is while I sit behind the steering wheel with the radio off that God seems to speak to me the most.  

Perhaps it is the antenna on the hood of my vehicle that enables me to hear Him more clearly.  Nearly every message I have ever spoken in front of a group of people, every serious conversation I have ever had to have, and every big decision was figured out first while setting behind the wheel of a vehicle.  I probably look crazy, driving down the road, one arm sunning it’s self out the drivers side window, my dog in the back trying to lick the wind, and I’m talking away  even using my free hand to gesture as if someone were sitting right there in the passenger seat.

I actually first penned these words nearly 10 years ago.   Life had just handed me a pretty big blow.  I was devastated, and I was angry with God.  Truth be told we hadn’t been on speaking terms for the past several days.  But I woke up early one morning and I knew, I needed some time with my Abba.  So I grabbed my Bible, journal and pen, threw them on the passenger’s seat of my Dodge Dakota.   Told Samson my German Shepherd to load up and we drove 30 miles to the first fast food joint I could find.  On the way there I listened to the radio….I wasn’t quite ready to talk or listen to God.  But after ordering my very unhealthy breakfast I drove to the park, pushed back my seat and began to eat my Bacon- egg- cheese biscuit as I read the Word of God.  Verses of comfort, and direction seemed to jump off the pages at me.  “You’re right”, I prayed.  “Forgive me” I whispered, “Help me to walk this out” I pleaded.    

Renewed I started the engine and headed home.   This time the radio remained off and I began to reminisce about all the conversations my heavenly Dad and I have had, while traveling together.  Inspired I decided, I should write these things down and when I’m old I would publish them as a little bathroom book or something.   Copies could be sold not only at your local Christian book store but at Flying J Truck stops -nationwide.   The cover could show yellow and white lines on a black top, blurry as they speed by.  The title would be something catchy like “Sermons from the road” “Lessons from Life’s Highway” or “Driving with Daddy”.  Maybe it would even have a second title you know the one written in smaller print under the real title.  A summary or explanation of sorts, such as “Revelations From my 4 Wheeled Sanctuary” or even “How God Speaks When the Radio is Off”.  In fact I had several chapters written by the time I returned home….of course that was nearly a decade  ago and all I ever wrote was the few brief paragraphs you have read up to this point ,  followed by two chapters one on snakes and the other on eagles.   Life got busy and I never returned to the project. 

 Life has a way of bringing us around the mountain again.  Here I am facing new questions, new decisions and opportunities, yet plagued by a heart that has been shattered.   I am full of questions, doubts, unanswered prayers and what seems to be promises from God still unfulfilled and I cant see the how.

 Now-days, I drive a maroon blazer with a back seat because my truck was hit last summer (though out of habit I still call my new rig a truck).  My dog, a German Shepherd - Malamute Cross is named Gator.  I am looking at the road before me and seeing several forks I could take, but I am still to hurt and confused by the road of my past to even dare moving forward. 

 What do I do from here? How do I move forward?  Where is God leading me?  

A year ago I shared on this blog that I had 3-4 possible doors that I was considering.  A year later and I have never closed any of them but I have also not pursued a single one of them.  It's like I am stuck, spinning my wheels.  Or the analogy I have used the most when trying to describe my thoughts. I feel like I am a plane on the runway, just taxing, waiting to be cleared for take off...yet oddly I don't know what our destination even is.   At times I think I just want to go to AK, I loved it there and it somehow became home?  Other times I want to get back overseas, there are so many places I love and have a heart for.  And honestly I loved being in Missions...but there's times I am too frozen to consider any door.  I just want to retreat back into my cave of the past year and a half and never come out again!!!   

My mind is always full of ideas, lessons to teach and share with others, burdens for prayer, ministry hopes and dreams for my future.  But this has been a season of isolation, of solitude of having very few people to talk to.  Partly cause I didn't know who I could trust to open up to, I did not want to share in a way that would hurt the reputation of others and so I kept it all in.  And then when I started stepping out of my cave into the real world I was I in a world far from the world I had known.  The people I had met didn't share my values, passions' or an experience they could never really get me. 

Then a snake (quite literally) reminded me of something I had written years before and  in looking for that story I stumbled on this “glimpse into the past”.  I realized, its been a while since I hopped in my truck and just let it eat up the yellow lines while I talked and listened to my Heavenly Dad.  Knowing I  needed an outlet for all these thoughts running through my mind and heart the past year or more I decided instead of finishing that road devotional project I’ll share on that same old Blog I started to help my friends and family keep up with my adventures as a missionary.   

Feel free to come along!  I hope this proves to encourage and build up others as I share.  My plan is to keep things real,  very real,  you will see the good, the bad and at times the ugly.  But I also am confident that the things God has been teaching me in the past year are relevant and will prove encouraging and inspiring to others and who knows maybe it will help us all to hear God, seek His will for our lives and take those next steps. 

“Come on Gator, let's get in the truck.”

A Ministry Amongst Wilderness Caves

Several months ago I penned these sentiments in my journal…

”Even if I should lose everything I love in  life, but still have Jesus, then I still have EVERYTHING!  For Jesus my all Sufficient One is more than enough.  Jesus + nothing else = everything.”

 Little did I know, how much those words would be tested. 

I have heard several Christians talk about how horrible 2015 was and how grateful they are that the year is over and a new one beginning.  I too feel that way.  Which is odd because up until a few months ago I would have told you that 2015 was the most amazing and fruitful year of both my personal life and ministry. Then I was hit by a “train” that sent me reeling through a myriad of confusion, doubt, anger, hurt for the past several months.

The past few months have caused me to re-evaluate everything in my life, all my hopes, dreams, goals and even my relationships.   I am not sure yet if I am on steady ground and moving forward or not and I feel like I can count my truest friends on a single hand.  But through it all I have had some of the most amazing times with God!  And I think it is possible one day I will look back and honestly be able to say I would not trade this season

I have been thinking a lot about a conversation I overheard maybe 2 years ago -between a preacher friend of mine and another pastor I know.  The one was talking about a really rough season in his life where he felt completely alone and was sorting through a lot of betrayal and what seemed like a  loss of a lot of God’s promises for his life.   He said for months he lay on his living room floor crying out to God. He called it his cave ministry.  The other guy added in that every leader in the body of Christ must pass through a similar testing ground.  A season of deep trial and brokenness, to advance.  He related to it as Joseph’s season in the pit and in prison and joked that pit really stands for preachers in training.  I walked away from that conversation thinking about how I wanted a cave season of my own…Oh I did not want the heartbreak that led to my friend’s season…but I wanted the concentrated time with God…the season to really dig in and go deep in prayer and worship.

Last year as I moved into this cute little cabin I thought of the many nights I could crank worship music and pray into the night…and as I planned this Sabbatical season, I looked forward to the time I could dedicate to worship, prayer and just seeking God in deeper way.   Little did I realize I was about to be shoved through my own crucible of faith, my own season of deep grief that would cause me to question everything but the love of God.

For although God has seemed silent on my many questions of late, He rarely even spoken up as I wrestled though my tumbled thoughts and feelings even the ones that were not according to His love and Character…but He never once ceased to remind me of His deep seated Love for me.   He was never silent when I questioned my own value, and He continually reminded me that He is my Source, my Defense and My Safe place.

I went to this conference this past week hoping to miraculously complete the healing process, hoping for clarity and direction…And I am not sure if I got any of that.  I don’t feel any more healed spiritually or emotionally than I did in the last 2 months or so…God has already been healing me...though I know we still have a ways to go.  Direction wise I can’t say He has led me in a different direction then He has for the last 17 years of ministry.  I can’t say He even gave me clarity on the timing or immediate direction on what this season looks like.  Except that He seemed to confirm what I have been feeling the past few months about using this time as that “Cave Ministry Season” of deep prayer and intimacy.  In December I started shutting down a few distractions I had from spending time with God and while at the Conference I thought of a few more.    I am not artistic so I was surprised when at the conference I clearly saw some art murals in my mind’s eye that I feel urgently I need to make…that was not new though, just a few weeks ago I began to share with a friend of mine how I felt I needed to dig my sewing machine out of storage and my craft supplies, cause I wanted this season to be one not only for worship and prayer but to give room for creativity.  I knew to do that I would need to make room in my tiny house and so I had decided that I wanted to give away or sell my queen bed so that I could buy a daybed with room for storage underneath.  (you may not get the depth of that sacrifice but I love my bed!!!)   

(added later here are the Murals I felt impressed to make)

 

Another thing God seemed to speak during the conference though again not new info really was on  week long DTS teaching I have felt compelled to develop for several years now.  But I always lack the passion, the inspiration to put flesh on the skeletal idea.  Then this week it hit me it was because I was starting from the wrong starting point.  And so from a new vantage point I began to see the whole message begin to unfold.  Why I had I never thought of taking this direction before?

Lastly, as you know I have been considering doing two different ministry schools for some months now, during this sabbatical season…but in the past few months have lost the desire to go to either.  So I was hoping God would clearly tell me with bright NEON lights, “Go here and do this!”  but He did not…instead an old desire, one I had not considered for years sort of was renewed…so now instead to trying to decide between 2-3 options I am trying to choose between 3-4!!! J

In closing I had this thought I wanted to share with you, from my Quiet time this evening.  This is for all those like me who have found themselves plowing through a season of heartbreak and uncertainty.

Psalm 84:3-7 really stood out to me

“Just as the Sparrow seeks her home,

And the swallow find in her own nest a place to lay her young,

I, too, seek Your alters, My King and My God,

Commander of Heaven’s Armies.

How blessed are those who make Your house their home,

Who live with You: They are constantly praising You.

Blessed are those who make You their strength,

For they treasure every step of the journey.

On their way through the Valley of Baca (weeping),

They stop and dig wells to collect refreshing water,

And the early rain fills the pools.

They journey from place to place, gaining strength along the way;

Until they meet God in Zion.

Two things stood out:

 #1 - the idea of finding our home, our resting place, even our nesting place at the very alter of God.  Being most at home in His presence.

#2 Using the season of journeying through the Valley of weeping as a time to dig for refreshing waters, that strengthen us…and coming out of that place even stronger than when we went in.

As my pastor friends pointed out so many years ago, we must all go through wilderness seasons!  And although the season may be hard in the moment, we must remind ourselves that many if not all journey through, and we follow behind some amazing biblical examples.

Job was a wealthy man who seemed to have everything!  God, Himself bragged on Job’s character and integrity, and said that Job was like no other man on the Earth.  Yet in a really brief amount of time Job loses everything, his possessions, his children, his health and even the support of his wife and his friends.  And even though at the end of this testing God multiplies everything back to Job, he never actually gets answers as to why he had to endure so much loss and devastation?

Moses spent 40 years tending sheep in the wilderness.  It was a far cry from his childhood years being raised an adopted prince of Egypt with a vision of delivering the Israelites from their bondage and slavery.  How far he appears to have fallen from his privileged upbringing or even his grand destiny.

Joseph, the favored son of his earthly father was given dreams by God of leadership and authority.  But instead finds himself betrayed by his own brothers, thrown in a pit, sold into slavery and eventually falsely accused of a crime he did not commit and thrown into prison.  Do you suppose he ever wondered at the injustice of it all? Or question if He had really heard God or if God’s promises would still somehow prove true?

Jesus, Himself spent time in the wilderness.  After being affirmed publically by God who said “This is My Son, in Whom I am well pleased.”  Then the Spirit of God leads Him into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.  I have always found that interesting.  When we go through hard times we naturally fight against it, we blame the devil, and command him to leave us alone.  We long for times of favor and blessing, for seasons of abundant harvest and will settle for nothing less and we tend to think anything less has to be proof of the enemy’s schemes…but what if it is God’s Spirit leading us through the wilderness season as He led Jesus?  What if it is God ordaining the dry season or the difficult season to allow our roots to grow deeper in Him, to do some pruning in our lives that we may be even more fruitful?  ….Now please don’t hear what I am not saying!!! ….I still do not believe that God sends heartbreak, disease or death to build us up.  God does not give you cancer, take your loved ones from this earth prematurely or cause division in your marriages, families or amongst the body of Christ…those are from the hand of the one who has come to steal kill or destroy, and his name most certainly is not JESUS! …but maybe God is standing there as He did with Job and allowing the season for our ultimate betterment, saying “satan you can sift this one…but thus far and no further!!!”  In those season we must still rebuke the enemy’s clear cut works and pray for God’s intervention…but we must also choose to embrace the brokenness in our own lives, to suffer through with love and patience, to choose the high road at every opportunity and to say “God, help me to come through this better not bitter”.

IT IS ALL ABOUT THE ADVENT OF RESSURECTION!

I love this time of year, always have.  I really mean it, I absolutely adore this season.  Winter is magical to me. 

I love how pure white snows covers all the brown and grays underneath.  I love stepping out the door and seeing not a single track to spoil the new blanket of freshness that has covered the earth in the night.  It is fun to bundle up in extra layers and go out and explore.  To be the first to make my mark.

On top of that I revel in the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas and then Christmas and the New Year.  I am one of those people ready to put up the tree and listen to nothing but Christmas music from the night of Thanksgiving on (Technically this year I wanted to decorate for Christmas even before Halloween but the desire for a real tree has forced me to still be waiting!)  I love the fun of trying to pick out good gifts if not the perfect gifts for my loved ones.  I like getting gifts too!!  I have a blast decorating them cause my ornery side comes out…often I hot glue the Christmas colored material shut…this year I have another thought up my sleeve!  It is going to be fun!  More than the gifts though is the days and weeks preceding Christmas when as Christians we just naturally think on and marvel at the fact that God came to earth in the form of a helpless child.  God in the flesh.  Do you really grasp that concept? 

Last months some time I bought a devotional specifically written for this season of Advent…I am still eagerly awaiting its arrival in the mail...so now I am checking the mail, awaiting the coming of an advent devotional.  Irony eh?

I think that is what marvels me most about this season.  The hope of Advent, the waiting and anticipation.  Earlier today I looked up the word Advent, it is derived from a Latin word that means coming.  I have been chewing that idea over and over today.  This season is all about Coming.

 We all know Christmas is the remembrance of the  original Coming of our King and Savior…but also the fact that He will indeed come again!  It is a season to Marvel and Wonder, to Come and Adore Him to be overwhelmed at miracle of it all!!!  Also have you noticed how giving people are during this season?  How the compassion and love shines forth? I think the Christmas season is often a glimpse of what the world should be like. Or what it means when we pray “Let Your Kingdom Come”.  We are less likely to turn a blind eye to the homeless, the poor the needy.  We do a better job of loving our neighbor and the stranger. 

Then there is the coming celebration of the entire holiday season from Thanksgiving to Christmas as a time to spend with loved ones.  To bless them with a little tokens of our love and appreciation.  That is what make this season fun, the search for a good gift, taking time to wrap it and then on the other end the wonder and waiting…sure people get overly worried about the gift part of it and I am guilty of going in debt to try and find the right gift beyond my budget….but that is just outward traipsings (is that even a word?)  The real gift is the love and thought and the time.  Don’t you just love the excuse in this season to hang out with friends and family, to fellowship to express heart felt sentiments to play games, to take time to just be with one another.

Followed closely after Christmas is the New Year a time we can reflect on the happening of the past year and look with anticipation at what might come in the next year.   We can thank God for the unexpected blessings, and hopefully see growth in the trials and challenges that happened and we can decided what we want to do better next year for the slate is clean, we get a fresh start.  We can set goals we try to attain, but mostly we can look forward with hope and wonder and lots of” I hope this is the year”…..you fill in the blank.  Each New Year is full of promise and expectation. 

Me? I am going to a conference I have wanted to attend for several years now…but more then that I am using the weeks between now and then to remind myself of all the blessings of this year.  This was the best year ministry wise, this was the year I let my guard down the most and let people in the closest.  Up until a few months ago this year was the highlight of my entire life and ministry!!!  And I refuse to let the enemy steal any more than he already has!!!  I don’t know what next year holds, I don’t even know what to expect from this conference…but I am trusting that the best is yet to come, somehow, someway, the best is yet to come!!

I guess if I had to put a finger on it, that is also why I love winter.  It’s a season of rest of curling up with a good book, or spending time with family.  And then as the cold begins to lag on and the harshness of the cold or darkness starts getting to us we begin to long and yearn for something more. Winter with its cold snowy days is the season we start anticipating spring, green and life. We start planning our gardens while the snow still flies, we look forward to the new life that emerges from the ground.  That white blanket is covering over the death and dying with something shimmering  and beautiful and in the end when it melts away for the last time we find new life, shinning sun and hope.

 It is all about the Advent of Resurrection!  These months of winter promise the coming of a green spring and the more snow now the greener it will be.  These weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, lead up to times of celebrating Christ, enjoying our family and friends and expressing our love to both.  As one year closes we get to look forward to a new year with all the blessings and surprises God has in store.

For me personally I am tired of looking at destruction and decay, at broken dreams, people and relationships in ruins, death, loss, etc. I am tired of looking at the brokenness of this world and feeling like there is nothing we can do to fix, prevent or change it.   I used to look at all that and still not have my hope shaken…I knew God moved mountains, I knew prayer changed things I knew God was going to extend His mercy and grace into what looked impossible.  I will admit I have lost that in recent months, but I want that back!!!  I have seen the enemy wreak havoc and I yet I am choosing to look forward to the assurances of Christ. I am looking forward to seeing Christ glorified in what looks to my natural eyes as nothing but a total loss.  I am looking forward to seeing the promises not yet fulfilled in my life and in the lives of so many believers, accomplished.  I am looking for true Revival!!!  I am looking forward to spring and the promise of new life….I am choosing to look through the lenses of hope and anticipation as I look forward.  In the meantime, in this season of waiting, I am going to enjoy this season of Advent. 

Day 1 of new DTS, “Am I giving God all of me?”

Thought it might be fun to keep you all involved in our DTS via this blog….but we all know how well my 100 day challenged went. Speaking of the 100 day challenge I decided to start over once again…I’m technically on day 4.

So Today was the very first day our newest Discipleship Training School. 2 Weeks ago we were expecting 8 students…but they whittled themselves down and so we start with only 5. It is a small school, but so far it seems like a pretty good fit. We have one married couple in their early 20’s- Mitch and Jana; three single gals all 18-20 (I think) Kate, Juanita and Jordan. I think they will all connect really well.

It is funny but nervousness’ did not really hit strongly till this morning. And then I was just hit with this terror, “what have I got myself into?”. I just feel so unqualified to staff and lead this school. But then I was reminded of a quote God gave me in one of those many 100 day seasons (that I have yet to complete) but anyhow God reminded me of a sentence I wrote down once about how I am a natural leader and I have a lot to give. It was encouraging and I spoke it out loud over myself this morning. God has given me the ability to lead, to teach to love people…right now this group are strangers to me…so it is hard to imagine myself being at ease…but soon they will be MY team, and the Momma bear side of me will come out. My prayer is that God will help me to always see them through His eyes, love them, encourage them and speak life into each of them!

Naturally I am a quiet, shy and reserved person. I’m 100% comfortable being alone and am self entertained….It is a stretch for me to go hang out with people just for the fun of it. To go join in on conversations, to be upfront. So after getting up at 5:15 to go work out at 5:30, spending all day in long days of meetings all I really wanted to do was go hole up in my room, maybe watch a movie. I looked out to see most the girls grooming horses and I knew I really ought to go hang out instead. (Until we know peoples experience level, we don’t want them ridding without certain staff present). After an hour or so the guys rejoined the group along with Joe (Local deputy Sherriff who has taken charge of our horsemanship program) Anyhow Joe start showing one of the girls how to work her horse in the round pen. Before long we are all gathered around watching, listening as he is explaining what he is doing.

This horse was decently well trained…but he found as he pushed her around the round pen that she was more than willing to give him her left side but she resisted giving him her right. That is actually pretty common when you consider we do most everything from the left of a horse. Catch and halter them, saddle and get on and off from the left. She was good natured and willing to do anything he asked of her as long as he stayed on her left side…but she was uncomfortable with him on the right. She kept resisting. Joe mentioned that really he only had half a horse if she only gave hi the left side and he was going to keep pushing till she gave him both sides.

It kind of reminded me of myself …I was used to being my own boss pretty early on and do not like to be told what to do. As long as it was my idea or my terms then I was more than happy to go along with people…but as soon as it infringed on my personal space, my plans or my preferences than I’m not liking it!!! As a kid I would get it in my head I ought to clean my room, but as soon as my mom would tell me I needed to clean my room then I would refuse to do it!

I think we are that way with God too. God I will do anything! I will follow you anywhere. Lord I will lay down anything that hinders me in my walk with YOU….Wait Lord, don’t go there, don’t touch that part of my life, don’t ask me to give up that! I will go anywhere, do anything but that or go there! Are we giving God just half of us, or do we only relate to God and others when we can relate on our terms…you’re welcome on my left side, but stay off my right!

God's many blessings this trip!

gave up posting on that hundred days...cuase I lost my passward and could not sign in...so as far as the hundred days goes, I may just start over, or I may not...we will see

God has really blessed me this trip!!!

 I had no plans of visiting my mom or sending church anytime soon.  I saw Mom, and severl folks from the church as I passed through last summer on my way to Kansas City with the Alaska DTS team.  It has been about two years come October since I came out for an acutal planned visit.   But it cost so much to drive out here from Wyoming..and with a new school coming up in Sept...I just wasn't sure I had time.

But then mom called to tell me she had figured out a way to get me to SD for free.  My Step- Dad Dave was making a run  (he drives Truck) to Canada and back and has been doign so every few weeks.  she proposed that I hop in as he was headed back to the midwest and then catch a ride back out next time he goes to Canada.  So with two days notice I packed my bags and arranged someone to water my garden and eat my strawberries that were just about to go red.  and Gator and I hopped int he semi with Dave.  It was a great drive, good time to catch up! 

Mom has been working durring the days so I am actually using my days to work on my teachings.  I will be teaching for two weeks durirng this upcoming DTS (Father Heart and Overview of the Bible) as well as I am developing a 12 week plan to bring alot of what we learned in Circuit Riders into this next DTS.)   and evening we hang out.  I spoke at Church last sunday and have seen several people at church, but have not yet connected with anyone outside of church.  I should probably do that! 

Usually when I come visit mom I also borrow a rig from them and drive down to Missiouri to see my grandparents, aunts and uncles on my biological fathers side.  I was pretty nervouse the first time I went down there 7-8 years ago...but now I really enjoy the visit.  He is not part of the picture just yet and Im 100% ok with that.  but this year, money being tight I wasnt sure how I was goign to get that done...my grandpa on that side has deteriated in health considerably.. so I knew I had to make it happen somehow.  Being scheduled to speak last weekend and not sure if I would beable to head back to Wyoming this week or next I had to take what days I could get.  Unfrtunatly the best days for me to travel last week was also the days mom had taken off to spend time with me.  I jhokiingly suggested she come with me...knowing she had no desire to revisit her past.

But my mom amazes me!!!  She decided to come along...infact she provided the vehicle, fuel and hotel for the trip.  Anyone who has heard my testimony has heard me share that my mom left an abusive marriage with my bio father to protect herself and me.  I am so grateful she did.  My bio father was an addict, and dangerous man...she spent years fearful he would find us again and in order to protect us both cut off all ties with him, his family and even his sister who was a good friend of my moms.  When I reconnected with that side of the family howver many years ago that was...it was pretty nerve wracking for my mom and me.  But I met my missouri grandparents and his siblings and relaixed they were not like, or responsible for the choices he made in life.  I kept telling mom that she met the bad apple in the bunch.  I am blown away she decided to make this trip with me.  I think in someways it was healing for her.  She really enjoyed gettign to reconnect with her friend Terri whom she had not seen since before I was born 37 years ago.  My Uncle Jimmy was the only member of the family able to attend his brothers weddign to my mom and he joked about how Ross' being an hour late for his own wedding was sort of an omen wasnt it.  One day we went out to dinner with my Aunts and my mom comments later that she hasnt really ever gotten to do that with her current sisters  in law before and she flet very much  warmly welcomed by them.  We even talked about next time I should bring her with me again and we all should go to Branson.    I am equally gald that now, she wont worry as much when I do go down there to visit my other family. 

on top of all those blessings, in the past 3 days I have been given 1250 dollars.  (500 of it came in the mail box back in Cody)  I still owe the YWAM base 2 months worth of rent (June and July) so now I can catch up, pay bills and put alteast 500 of it towards outreach in Dec and January...and I dont even know yet where outreach will be though I personally am leaning towards South Africa.  So that is pretty cool.  Another practical blessing, my mom and I went to the store and buying new clothes or undergarments is not usually my priority so she blessed me by replacing some garments of mine that had gotten pretty stretched out holey and useless, plus blessed me with a dress outfit...cause I just happen to be here for my cousin's wedding (next weekend) on the Zierke side and I had not expected to be able to attend that, and hadnt even realixed the timing of this trip would correlate with the wedding.  So that will be cool to see all my Zierke family too this trip...I usaully try to connect with my grandparents each time I come to this part of the country...but it has been probably 5 years or more since I saw the rest of them.