Greatest of Intentions and a little Spontaneous Repentence!!!

I have had great intentions with this blog, just as I have had great intentions with my morning quiet time routine, my workout and getting in shape goals or even recognizing the need just to get back to church.  Every night I go to bed with the thought Tomorrow is the day I am going to…..

Maybe this goal makes it until morning, maybe it even lasts a few days…but more often then not when the alarm goes off at 5 or so, I have forgotten all about my great intentions and opt instead for a little more sleep.  

My life has become a routine of getting up, checking facebook, going to work, coming home and watching tv, going to bed with very little variance.  I miss my early morning times of delving into the word for hours at a time, late night prayer times, having people to share life with.  I miss being passionate about something.  

Have I walked away from God?  No I still love Him with all my heart, I still get in the word…but not nearly as often as I should!!!  

Have I walked away from people?  Probably so…I talk to mom daily about our days, a rare phone conversations with Nicholsons (like only 2-3 times since January) I talk with folks at work but it is all surface stuff.  I don’t really go deep with anyone anymore.  

Have I walked away from dreams, vision, calling?  -yeah I have.

I have let my life get comfortable.  I go through my day living a life that means nothing. I have let apathy surround me and I hate it but I don’t know how to break the cylce.  think one day I will…..but Im afraid to take a single step towards those ideas. I haven’t even articulated those ideas to more than a handful of people.  

Where is the faith that God can move mountains?  Where is the passion for My King Jesus and His life changing words?  Where is the tribe I am running with and the visions I am carrying?  

2 years ago I was accused of doing something I had not done, by people I loved like family.  I tried to clear up the misunderstanding but I only got doors slammed in my face. I asked people to mediate only to learn they had already offered and the other party turned them down.  My ministry, my passion, my dreams of 17 years were flushed down the toilet and there was nothing I could do about it, my reputation was tainted and very few know the full story.    

I stepped away to process and greive and pray. I was hopefull that with time, lines of communication would open and the truth would shine forth.  So I said nothing…..I let very few in. At first this was cause I wanted to honor the other party, to cover their sin to keep doors open for healing and restoration.  But as time went on this distance and my motives behind it changed.    I felt betrayed and unjustly treated, I was angry and depressed,  I was scared to share what happened cause I could not hide my anger and hatred.  I was bitter and hurt.  but I got through that, I chose life, I chose forgiveness I chose to love again.  Through all of that God was so near, always speaking, and He surrounded me with a small handful of people I could trust.   But for the most part I had pulled away from those who hurt and accused me, from those we mutually knew and from nearly everyone  else in my life….

A year went by, and now two. And I realize I am still alone…not because I am angry anymore but because I am to afraid to trust again.  I had invites from other ministry leaders who heard the story and encouraged me to come work with them.  Who apologized for what had happened and assured me that was not God’s way…. but how can I trust another team, another leader when the very ones I loved and trusted more than anyone else hurt me so deeply?

I look at my life and compare it to my life 2 years and a month ago and I don’t recognize this path I am on.  My life looks normal though dangerously lonely.  I get up and go to work.  I have work friends, people I talk to daily but not true deeply connected friendships…I come home, eat dinner, watch TV, read a book, take a class.  My entire life goes forward, but where is the hunger, the joy, the passion the need for prayer and faith?  Where is the challenges, the vision the excitement?  Two years and a month ago I was leading teams and loving Jesus.  I was passionate about my own growth and investing in others. I had dreams bigger them me.  

I have lost my first love.  I have grown comfortable in my day to day.  I know God loves me, but I have not pursued Him back with hunger.  I have grown comfortable with the distance between He and I, and between myself and the rest of the world.  

Jesus I miss You!  I miss having a reason to get up and go about my day.  I miss being in Love with You, being passionate and Hungry to Know You more.  I am so sorry that I let my own anger and hurt cause me to pull away from people and by pulling away from those human interactions I began to miss out on the best part of being in family and relationship with You!!!  I didn’t realize I was leaving You behind too but I was.  Forgive me and help me to go back

Drawing Closer when it hurts

So I have been thinking about this a lot lately!  

Easter came and went just a few weeks ago.  During the week preceding Easter I like to read the accounts of what happened during the “Holy Week”.  If possible I like to attend or even host a seder meal with friends and family.  These practices help me to really reflect on the significance and transforming power of all the Jesus did for me in going to the cross.  

I often marvel at all that happens on the night Jesus and His disciples celebrated the last supper.  (John 13-18.)  John 13-17 is part of a selection of passages that I have often taken weeks to months to read, re-read and meditate, and re-read again. There is so much meat in those short few chapters.  These were Jesus’ last words to His closest friends and loved one.  This was Him passing on all He knew His followers would need to know after He was gone.  You know how in a movie when some one is dying people draw near so as not to miss a single syllable of the dying man’s last utterances.  

Admittedly His followers did not fully grasp that Jesus was essentially saying goodbye and preparing them to go on with out Him in the physical sense.  They had no idea as he taught during that last weeks, or conversed over that final meal, or as they walked and talked on their way to the garden of Gethsemane that by tomorrow this time Jesus would be dead.  When He poured out His heart to God and they struggled to stay awake they had no concept that this would be their last chance to pray with their friend who was closer then a brother, their honored Teacher, Lord and Savior.

But we do have that perspective.  We know what happened after Jesus got up from His time with God, we know how He was betrayed by Judas, one of His own.  We know how the ever confident Peter would soon deny he had ever even met the Lord.  How 11 of His 12 would flee and hide in terror for their own lives, letting themselves get buried under fear, confusion and dread.  How one in shame and guilt would take his very life feeling their was no possible return from his failures.  We read these passages from the perspective of knowing what was about to happen.  And what has happened since.

I just cant shake the realization that Jesus, who was God in the flesh, went through that last night with His 12 knowing who would betray Him, who would deny Him and who would fall away and loose hope even momentarily. He knew who would doubt His promises and would retreat and hide. Yet what does He do?  He draws closer to the 12.  He opens His heart even wider letting them all in even more then they already were.  He commits and covenants Himself to their relationship on an even deeper level then ever before.  He loved Peter, even though He already knew that with in a few hours Peter would be swearing that he had NEVER known Jesus.  He loved John and let Him rest upon His chest even knowing that in just a few hours time when Jesus would need a friends the most John would  desert Him in the very valley of decision, choosing the comfort of sleep over comforting Jesus whose heart was in deep anguish.  He loved Judas deeply, even knowing that Judas would soon betray Him with a kiss.  He gave His heart even more fully to each and everyone of His followers, knowing that most would not be with Him in His human hour of need.

How do we respond when others fail us, let us down, or purposefully seek to destroy us?  We get angry and offended, we rage and war, we distance ourselves and put up walls.  We back away to protect our hearts.  

Arent you grateful that Christ is not like Human lovers and friends.  Even knowing how deeply we will fail He draws closer to us!!! He bares His heart and gives us the opportunity to choose to love or strike Him.  He shows His vulnerability.  He keeps His connection with us as His priority!!!

We are often the first glimpse people get of Father God.  How we respond can draw people closer to the Truth and Love of Christ or push them even further away.

Getting back to it!!!

I had great intentions.  Write something, anything  at least twice a week.  This discipline would challenge me and help me to grow as a communicator and possibly help to motivate me to finish some big writing projects that have cooled on the back burner for way to long.  Also it would be a great outlet as I learn new things in the word of God I get this urgency to pass it on.  My drives become sermon birthing zones…typing up some of those teachings would help me to move into a new topic and give my dog a break from my rantings.  

Then I saw a lady speak into a video camera. She was not drop dead gorgeous, the room behind her was nothing special she did not have the voice to beat all other voices but her messages were passionate and inspiring. I watched and thought I could do this. I will do this….So I decided to share that list of values via a video message (a vlog?).  I borrowed my mom’s ipad and filmed 3 different messages.  It took hours cause in nervousness I kept stumbling over my words.  Funny but that flashing light was far more scary then any group of people I have ever spoken in front of!  I had carefully chosen the right outfit (admitedly I wore three to hide I was doing it all on one day) the perfect angle, not to close yet still up close and personal.  All in all I was pleased with the outcome it had taken a whole day, lots of fresh starts and akward blunders, yet my passion shone through.  I was fairly confident that people would be encouraged if not inspired!!!   But then when it came to posting them, I could not get the file to transfer.  They were too big?? I tried mutliple times with the same result.   I had no idea how to make them smaller.  

Defeated I filmed the first one over again using my laptop.  But I had to position the computer in such a way that my hands and gestures could never be seen.  I was nothing but a talking head.  The quality was grainy and I hated it!!!!  I posted it anyway to keep up with my deadline of posting something every few days…but I just sort of quit after that.  If it could not be done in a way I could be proud of why bother?

It has been over a month, almost two.  I guess it is time to get back on the horse…though we wont be filming anything just yet!

Cultivating Intimacy

We were created, designed for Friendship with God.

He loves and longs for me.  He is always pursuing me.  But I have a part to play in this relationship too.  It is my responsibility to respond by opening the door and Cultivating Intimacy.

Love Him, Get to know Him, spend time in His Word, in Prayer and in Worship.  Sit at His fee and learn to enjoy His presence.

Genesis 3:8; Deuteronomy 6:4-5; Psalm 47:1-2 , Ps 46:10, 55:16-17, 63:1-8; 73:25-26; Luke 10:38-42; John 8:31 and Revelation 3:20

How an Alaskan Road Trip with the Circuit Riders Influenced my Life & Ministry

I had never seen anything quite like it, and to this day I still haven’t.  For me it was a life changing experience!!!  

During the late August, September and possibly a little of Oct of 201l??? It was prior to my owning a smart phone so I have few pictures. and right before I traveled to Wyoming in Oct.  

Anyhow I got the opportunity to travel along the road system of Alaska ministering in churches, youth groups, Wal-Mart parking lots and a village. This was a group of 25? people most of them in their early 20’s but their was really quite an age diversity. This group sent out from Kona Hawaii had done the very first school of the Circuit Riders.  They had spent the last 6 weeks or so, in an environment that feeds and inspires faith, boldness and passion.  The school at is close had divided into several groups that were going around the US to preach Jesus and the simple gospel.  This particular team had come to Alaska.  

One of the students in that school had recently done his DTS and come on staff with the YWAM base I worked with in Homer AK.  The team needed to borrow one of our ministry van’s and a driver to go along with it.  Aaron the student of the school called me and asked me to be that volunteer driver and see if I could convince some of our fellow staff to come along.

So a handful of us from the Homer base drove up to Fairbanks, AK to meet up with the Circuit Riders.   We had not taken the school or shared in the bonding experience's this team had already shared in their lecture phase, but we were never treated like outsiders.  We were warmly and fully welcomed into this this band of fiery evangelists.  Having been a part of a lot of teams and schools over the years I was really impressed with the family feel of this particular team.  No doubt it had a lot to do with their incredible leaders Tom and Donna Cole who sort of adopted the whole clan into their family for the season.  We would gather in the massive living room of the lodge we stayed in and visit and pray.  It had such a loving feel of kinship. 

 This group was some of the boldest, hungriest passionate teams I had ever been around.  This trip was by far one of the most fruitful outreaches I had ever been on.  I don’t recall how many people accepted Jesus or received emotional or physical healing in prayer.  It seemed daily there were multiple stories of How God moved on hearts.  What I do recall is the times you don’t expect deep ministry.  

Like making a grocery run to Walmart, the leaders were shopping for necessities the students were given a short amount of time to get what they wanted.  Coming out to the van after shopping I look out into the parking lot and see three different gathering of Circuit riders praying over an individual or family.  I had actually seen the same thing a time or two in the store.   One group stood just outside the van so I stepped into the circle to meet the native couple my team was ministering to.  A man named Moses was weeping as my friends spoke life over him and his wife.

Another glimpse that stood out was when after weeks of travel and ministry we decided to take a day off, a much needed rest.  We drove our many vans to Chena Hot springs just outside of Fairbanks.  It was fun.  The weather was cool and crisp though I don’t think we had seen any snow just yet, but we were soaking in a natural hot springs during the evening hours and stayed to watch the Northern Lights with a room full of Japanese tourists.  Yet on that day off 3 people got saved and at-least one was baptized.

 

I never could pinpoint why that team was so different, then others I have known, why they seemed to be more eager to step out and why they were blessed with not only fruitfulness but favor at every turn!  I knew leaving that experience I wanted to be more passionate and bold with my faith.  I wanted to encourage that family feel in the teams I lead or was a part of.   And I wanted to give room and  encourage others around me to step out in in radical obedience to the things they felt God leading them towards even if it did not fit with my plan.  I may not have these skills perfected but I have seen good fruit from my resolve in these areas.

During the outreach one of the co-leaders of the team, a good friend of mine and adopted Big Brother would take the time to sit with "my team" from Homer and talk about some of the things God had taught them during the Circuit Rider School.  So we were able to get some of the teaching the others had had. (Later 3 of us went to Kansas City with one of the AK DTS teams to do our own Circuit Rider School).   I kept his folder of notes and books while we traveled so that even when we did not find time to meet as smaller team I was able to still go through the material on my own.  I wanted to glean all I could.  So I would get up early for a quiet time and then turn to this notebook and see what stood out to me.  In the  left side cover of this white folder jammed with a notebook, handouts and some booklets stood a print off.  I think it may have been a list of values for the school??   It was a downward list of one-liners things like

Cultivate Intimacy

It is Always, All about Jesus!

Radical Obedience

Destroy the Little Foxes and be quick to Joyfully Repent

Speak with Purity

Create an Atmosphere, and live out a Culture of Honor, Trust and Love

Reach the Lost, Revive the Saved, Disciple them All!!

I don’t recall how many were on that sheet, but they caught my attention and my imagination.  Jotting them down in a notebook I kept meditating on that list through out our travels.  After I got home I transferred them to my laptop and began finding verses to support each value.  Over the last several years I dropped a few off their list that just didn’t hit me the same as the rest and I have added a few of my own (and dropped some of my own too).  I no longer remember which ones were theirs, and which were mine as this List of Values has become my own.  It is how I seek to live every day of my life, how I want to carry myself in every relationship and moment. It has become habit over the last 5-6 years to meditate and pray through this list regularly, evaluating if I am walking it out and resolving to do better. Leading Schools and sharing messages I have Incorporated them into my messages and I have even used this list as a “contract” to challenge, encourage and inspire every team I have led.  In the last “hard season” I have gone back over them often wrestling with the ones I was no longer walking out and even added to them or deepened them in meaning and understanding.  Over the next few weeks I plan to share them with you though if I can figure out how to video tape them I would rather share them via talking or pacing as I tend to do when I get worked up :-)

If we could really live out scripture in our life, walk it out perfectly then this is what it means to me to truly walk out the concept of “Loving the Lord our God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength and loving our neighbor as ourselves.”

I have always kept this list of values broken up under those three categories.

Loving God

1.  Cultivate Intimacy

2. It’s Always, All about Jesus

3. Passionate Worship and Engaged Intercession

4. Be Thankful!  Have an Attitude of Gratitude

5. Radical Obedience

6. Ridiculous Faith - Completely Trust in Him and His Word

7.  Walk in Wholehearted Unbroken Communion With God

8. Destroy the Little Foxes and Be Quick to Joyfully Repent

Love your Neighbor

9.  Believe the Best

10. Create and Atmosphere & live out a Culture of Honor, Trust and Love

11. Honor and Submit to Leaders as Unto the Lord

12. Give Others the Grace and Freedom to Fail

13. Be-Unoffendable and Remain Tender-Hearted

(Be Quick to Forgive- Even Without an Apology!)

14. Confront in Love and According to Scripture

15. Speak with Purity

16. Serve Unreservedly & Put Others First

17. Reach the Lost, Revive the Saved & Disciple Them All!!!

As Yourself

18.  Keep God First

19. Owe No Man Anything but Love

20. Your Body is the Temple of the Living God

21. Live Above Reproach

22. Live Authentically - Be Real/Be Transparent and Keep your Walls Down

23. Speak Life, Speak Truth, Confess the Word

24. Be Teachable, Humble and Approachable

25. Develop Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faith-fullness, Gentleness and Self Control.

Worshipping in the midst of the Alaska State fair

Just Catching Up

Primarily my goal is to use this blog to encourage, inspire and even tell some funny but applicable stories.   However there will be times like this one...where I am just catching people up on my life, my plans etc. 

I'm a little in awe and slightly confused and terrified of how many people have read this page.  When I started this (living in Turkey) maybe 7-15 people ever read anything I posted.  Really I did not do much with it, it was just a way to keep in touch.    The other day when I felt like I should write on here again and try to use this as a tool that ideally encourages people the first post was read 43 times, the second 60 and the most recent over  a 100 times.   (I only figured out how to tell if people read it the other day) where and who are the other 90 people?  I have even had people I don't know write and say thanks or friend me on facebook.  So to all you folks I don't know as well, thanks for reading and this one is more an informational update so feel free to skip it.  :-).  To those who have been standing with me and praying the last few months this will ideally catch you up...atleast as far as I can catch you up/ 

I realize it has been awhile since I put together an update.  Last I really communicated via Facebook I was still in Wyoming though I had plans to spend the winter and spring months with my mom in SD.

Over the fall and winter months I had been fighting some “bug” of sorts and had been coughing since August, had my body start going haywire in the fall months and had been exhausted, like inexplicably tired all the time by December.  In those last few weeks in Nov and Dec I was trying to find help with a doctor and getting them to run some tests…but I never did tell you what they found.

That would be because we didn’t find anything????   Thyroid was fine (though you can pray I can pay for it cause the bill came back several hundred higher then I anticipated!!)   I was a bit anemic but that was to be expected after 54 days of struggling with the same issue I dealt with for 81 days while living in Turkey -7 years ago.  At least it was not 12 years like the woman found in Luke 8:43-47.  On top of all that as I was packing I found moisture had snuck into my cookbooks that sat on my kitchen counter covering the bottom sides of many the less used ones with black mold.  I already knew I was allergic to black mold from a past season of migraines, exhaustion and a chest cold that kept getting worse...so perhaps I should have gone mold hunting sooner!.  So I threw the books out…(or atleast most of them…it was found the last day or so of packing and some foolishly landed in my “for storage box” cause I was in a hurry!!.

I figure in part living with mold probably had to do with the exhaustion, respritory issues etc and such of the last few months.  I also suspect the hormone imbalance I have dealt with since puberty (though only knew about since Turkey) flared up causing the the 54 days of yuck due to my second extended fast of the year.

  

I don’t blame the fasting, cause I know Fasting is a great spiritual discipline that also has incredible health benefits.  I do blame my inexperience in how close together one should or should NOT attempt 40 day fasts.  I have recently learned that most experts in fasting advise that you wait at-least 6 months to a year between doing extended fasts (anything over 21 days).  Otherwise you sort of send your body into panic mode.  I had spent quite a few days since the fall of 2015 fasting and praying and even went 21 and 30 days in extended fasting only a short 4 months apart.  It was actually during that last fast that my body quit doing things it should do…and then when it did kick in it just wouldn't stop.   More about the cool things that came out of this past year or two of seeking God in coming weeks or months.

In the meantime I am taking birth control pills to retrain my body to function normally each month. After a few months I plan to go back off of them, cause that is a chemical I really don’t want in my system.  Besides if God blesses me with a husband in the next few years I hope for a  "honey moon pregnancy"!  I may have to give up my desire for 6-8 kids but I can still pray for twins!!  

Physically I am still often tired, but not anything like I was, and the cough has lifted completly…so I guess I am hoping it will just take time for my body to detox, and I will be back to my mischevious self!!!

 I am also trying to eat in such a way that my body can free itself from the symptoms of PCOS.  I have learned a lot in the last few months something I wish I had known from Turkey onward…but that is what happens when you have to get a diagnosis in another language.    I already rarely eat grains, but I have cut them out even more, and am working on cutting out dairy and sugar…which is a harder sacrifice!!! I tried Paleo and only lasted a week. Pray for me in this journey to reclaim my energy and to find health. 

It was while trying to get my body particularly my hormones to line up and work right I was doing research trying to find something not chemical based pill to step in and help.  I kept coming across articles suggesting different foods, herbs, supplements and in particular essential oils.  I even took a weekend class on the topic.  Oils being very expensive were not something I could afford at that time (or at this time), but I could see their benefits, and knew I wanted to learn more.  I even asked God to open up that door of opportunity.  Guess what He answered my prayers!!!

Which brings me to my life now.  I ended up coming to South Dakota a few weeks sooner then I had planned and it all happened so fast.  There is so much I did not get done, and honestly I didn’t get to say goodbye to most of my friends there.  But there is a cool story in the timeing of things that I will tell at a future date!   Mom and I really haven't started on  many of her projects.  But honestly I needed the first few weeks to just start feeling better.  It was a real success to stay awake past 8 pm.  Now I can get to 10 or 11!!!  And mom’s body, and doctors were trying to figure out a low dose of Chemo to keep her on that did not have her feeling sick.  So we were quite a low key pair!  

I really did not start the job hunt until late January.  I could easily go to one of the factories in the area and find a decent paying job, but in this season I need my schedule to be flexible.  If at all possible I want to go to appointments with my mom.  And when her dose is figured out and they get into a system where she can have a month or so between appointments I am hoping she and I can do some traveling.  Namely out to Michigan to see my brothers and his girls.  So I have a few applications out but sadly to places not yet hiring like the grocery store and gas station.  However I also have a few out to day care centers, the library and potentially the school district.  So please pray for work to come along and provision as I have exhausted what little was in my savings account and might have 40 bucks to my name.

 In the meantime one job sort of found me.  

A few weeks after getting here mom was invited to a class on Essential Oils.  I was interested in going so we both went.  The lady sitting next to us knew a lot about mixing the oils for certain symptoms so we arranged to get a vial for headaches and one for heartburn for my mom.  (both have worked great by the way and mom even got a third for coughs!!!)  I told the lady I had recently started looking into oils and would like to learn more.  I also mentioned I would be in the area until summer or fall and was hoping to find work.  She offered to sit down with me at anytime and help me learn more about the oils and how to mix them for peoples needs and also suggested I stop by the local vet clinic and talk to her husband about a job.

So on Saturdays I help out at the clinic and potentially another day or two during the week as needed.  So far I am really enjoying it.  I like animals and I am learning a lot I just never knew about the medical side of critters.  Both the Doc and his wife are great about answering questions and it’s all pretty knew to me.  I am still waiting to hear on a second part time job, but I am spending more time writing and that is good! Mom and I have also started tackling a few of the easier things on her project list. And I have gotten to get more involved in my church here locally.  I have really missed that!!!   Last week and Tuesday of this week were and are measuring kids feet at the local schools for a company that is donating shoes.  I guess my experience at Sierra in the Shoe Department has come in handy.

I am in good company, wasn’t D. L Moody a shoe salesmen before he heard the call of God to preach the gospel?  And Gladys Alyward was commissioned by the Emperor of China to go into the villages and unbind the girl’s feet.  Doors to preach through out rural China, as well as minister to the Emperor came through her willingness to say yes.

So often in scripture we can see the pattern of God opening incredible doors as people just moved forward in obedience.  And often amazing fruit-fullness came out of what looked like an interruption to the agenda or even a wrong step.  I don’t know what the future holds and life has definitely taken some unexpected turns but I know for a fact that My God has great plans in store for me!!!  As He does for you as well.

The Driving Urgency of God

This year I decided to read Chronologically through both the OT and the New.  Reading Mark chapter 1 the other day two things I had never noticed before stood out to me.  

Were all familiar with how after Jesus’ baptism the Holy Spirit led Him into the wilderness to be tempted and tested over a 40 day period.  That passage has always proven a comfort when I am going through a hard test or trial.  It is easy to think that God only wants to give us good gifts and so when bad things happen all we need to do is take our authority and rebuke the devil.  Frustratingly ,  that just doesn't seem to solve things as quickly as we would like.  Often when challenges arise I assume this obstacle needs to end “chop-chop” cause it can’t possibly be the will of God…but then the struggle drags on or comes back over and over again.  Then this verse comes to mind and I am reminded that it was not satan who led Jesus into the dessert to be tempted, but the Holy Spirit.  Maybe instead of yelling at the enemy when things seem to start hitting the fan, I should stop, take a deep breath and ask “Holy Spirit are you teaching me something in this moment?  Papa is there a bigger picture at play here then what I can see?”  Now that does not mean we just stay in the misery of a bad moment, under the misconception that God sent the suffering therefore it is His will for our life and we ought not resist it.  We still have the authority to command the mountain to be moved, the disseas to be healed and release the answer to come forth.  God has equipped us with all we need, and He has won the victory already at the Cross.  He has made available to every Child of God the weapons of our warfare and it is His desire to train us to use those tools and our authority skilfully. That we may see God move us into victory.

Although I have read the book of Mark multiple times, I must have always glossed over this one particular phrase.   It does not say the Holy Spirit led Jesus into the wilderness but that the Spirit drove Him.  Now there is a big difference between leading and driving.   You can walk in front of horses, lambs or even your dog and expect them to trustingly, lovingly follow you with an eagerness.  Leading conjures up images of gently going before making a path that is easy to follow.  The one doing the following actually wants to go with the leader and is zealous to draw near.  

"a dusty view" helping a friend to gather and move

his herd in the spring or early summer of 2015

The idea of driving someone is forceful.  You drive and push cattle from behind.  You get in their space,  make them eager to move forward away from the pressure you are applying. Now you can drive animals slowly, letting them take their time as needed to get to where you are going…but it is never fully peaceful for the one being driven.  They can’t stop at will, lie down and take a rest without fear of the pursuer catching up to them and bullying them into moving again.   Sometimes you have to be aggressive even a little loud if the cattle, horse or whatever/whomever you are driving is particularly reluctant.  Nobody likes to be pushed into something.  Animals may need to be driven but they don't love it even if things are kept at a slow pace.  There is a always just a little bit of fear and dread or annoyance involved- even a feeling of not having any control over the matter.

Reading that the Spirit Drove Jesus into the wilderness for this 40 days of testing and trial paints a completely different picture in my mind.  I have often felt driven by circumstance maybe even God into a path I did not want to take at the time.  

Curious I looked up the word.  In Greek it is the word Ekballo.  I had no idea.  This is like one of my favorite Greek words!!!! I use it a lot when I talk about or pray for missions.

The word Ekballo is used when the Bible says Jesus drove or cast out demons.  It is a forceful word that means God, by His power thrust out the unwelcome spirit. They had no choice in the matter they had to leave.  Ekballo is used when Jesus told the the disciples to Pray that the Lord would send (ekballo) laborers into His harvest fields.  When the Lord sends us, we really have no option but to go.  Often that is a prayer I pray over myself.  

“Lord, Ekballo me into the harvest field You have called me to.  

Catapult me into the destiny and plan You have for my Life.  

Show me where, ‘cause my heart is eager to cry “Here I am Lord, send me!!!”

The second thing that caught my eye was how frequently Mark used the phrase “immediately”.  How did that never jump out at me in the past?  Seven different times in the first chapter alone we read the word Immediately.

Speaking of Jesus during His baptism “and immediately coming up out of the water…”  “Immediately the Spirit drove Him into the wilderness”

“They immediately left their nets and followed Him.” was the response of Simon and Andrew to Jesus’ call.  

Three other instances in this passage we read phrases like “as soon as” or “at once”.  Although translated slightly differently their meaning is the same and in Greek the word Euthos is used consistently.   So 10 x in a single chapter Mark uses a word the translates Right Now!!!  Apparently the phrase will be used around 40 times in the entire Gospel of Mark.

I have often admired the disciples and their immediate response to leave all else and follow Jesus.  How well did they know Him?  What had they heard about Him that would cause them to leave family, home, career, community?  They left everything they knew and loved to follow some itinerant teacher into an unknown future.  They don’t seem held back by all the rational questions they surely should have asked.  “Who does this guy think He is?  Where will this road take me?  How will I be provided for?  Can this man really teach me all I want or need to know  What will my family say or think?”

This entire chapter depicts a total and complete surrender in those who chose to follow Jesus.  And In Jesus we see a real urgency to be about the Father’s business.  We see His compassion and His drive.  In all involved in this chapter we see nothing lazy, half-hearted or apathetic.  There were no luke-warm decisions or reluctant commitments.  Just as Jesus and those first followers stepped into this journey holding nothing back, the same should be said for us!

We ought to be living completely abandoned to God, surrendered to Him over all else, attentive to His leading and passionate for what matters to His heart.  I am not there yet, but I want to be, don’t you?

Lord, help me to be attentive to the things on Your heart,

eager to go after You and what matters most to You!