Determined to Dig Another Well

So what would it look like if every time you opened your Bible, or heard a sermon or God spoke to your heart you determined to apply and obey one take away truth to your life?  How would your life and walk change? Where might you be?  

So often on Sunday morning we hear a sermon and walk away thinking that was a “good” message.... but then by evening we can’t even remember what the preacher talked about.   Let alone have a plan to make it real in our day to day.  Or how many times have you opened your Bible in your private quiet time and discovered a beautiful gem of truth... but then a few days later it’s memory has faded.  Or what about the times you feel you have heard God whisper for you to do something or say something... but the moment passes with no step forward on your part? 

But what if we treasured the Word of God?   What if we heard every sermon as if God had something in it for me personally?   What if we looked for Rhema words in tho Logos?  What if we took those little whispers to heart and valued them as clear cut commands?  

Some of you are reading that and saying but of course I treasure God’s Word!  I learn so much.  Messages, written and heard so often minister to my heart!   I try to do His will.  

I am not trying to question yours or even my  love of God’s Word.  But I think we all should seriously weigh out how well we put those truths into practice in our lives.  

For me I’m tired of recording a truth in my journal that jumped out at me while reading the word and then some weeks, months or years later recording a similar idea as if it was brand new to me!   It greives me when I look back on an idea I Know God inspired only to realize weeks or months have past and I have not obeyed.  I want to bring each truth into my life and walk immediately.    I want to grab hold of  these truths and make them mine.  

I’ve felt convicted lately of my own spiritual laziness.  Every week I’m renewing my commitment to follow through on something I know I ought to do but I still don’t do it.  My journal is full of gems God showed me, but then some months later God is showing me again and I forgot it was a lesson already learned.  For months now I’ve had hundreds of little ideas, visions for the future, messages I felt impressed to share, letters to write, phone calls to make etc and I’ve done none of it.  Or at-least very little of it.   I know my hesitation to follow through is grieving God’s heart.  

So what now?   Well part of moving forward is just this  making a choice to follow through with the things I know God is calling me to.  

One of those is to take those little gems of truth discovered in quiet times or built on through a message at church or a good book and share them.   I am a teacher of the word who has spent the last year in a half maybe even the last 3 years hiding out in a cave.   I’m a dreamer of big visions from God who has kept things close to the vest for way too-long.   I’ve walked through a desert of grief...and only just now ready to share the journey of healing out-loud.  I’m someone who once committed to live transparently....got stomped on and retreated....but all along I’ve known God never called us to retreat.  He called us and equipped us to  to stand our ground and advance!!!  To live life with others!!!  

So I guess all that to say if I’m doing what I feel God is prompting me your about to hear a lot more from me.   Encouragements from scripture, vision for the future and some depth not surface even in the hard stuff!!!  

Once I remember my own password I will probably use that blog to share.  

Turn the water on

Looking for a quote fit for a memorial service I stumbled on another gem that got me to thinking.

Louis L’Amour is credited with advising

“Start writing, no matter what.  The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on.”

Over the last year and a half or so God has spoken so many truths, shared some precious nuggets and gems that have ministered to my heart and often I was sure would bless another.  I knew I ought to share it, face to face with someone of via Facebook or even this blog or at least record it in my journal so I could come back to it, for later.  Sometimes I knew it was not just a matter of ‘I should share this as it might encourage someone else’, but I knew with an urgency ‘I need to share this now, today, it will be a timely word for someone who needs to hear it as desperately as I just did. 

Herein lies the problem…I never followed through.  I never called the people up who I hoped to encourage, never made the time to visit, never even typed up the revelation that I had found so engaging.  Never once took that step.  ‘I’ll do it later, I will remember, I could never forget such a profound and amazing truth’. My mind lied to me and lulled me into a false security. 

I knew I was being disobedient to the Lord’s leading….I knew from past teachings that part of continuing to hear from God is to respond to what He is telling you today.  He is still obviously speaking and ministering to me out of His word.  I glean much from the words of other sound Bible teachers and I still can discern that still small voice He whispers into our hearts with,   I figured I must not have failed Him to immensely He is still showing me cool things, though hoping I do more with them then set them on the shelf for some later date. 

A few weeks ago a message from Church went right along with something God had been teaching me some months ago and I again felt impressed with the need to share and so I started talking out loud in my truck imagining how I might share and I found I could not grasp the gem I had so treasured in my heart months earlier.  It was still there, I knew it’s content and how it spoke to my life and my future, but I could no longer recall it with vivid clarity.  Talking with a friend the other day something she said reminded me of another truth God had taught me and I hoped it would meet a need in her heart.  I opened my mouth to speak but the thought flitted away from me like a mouse might scurry through groping fingers.  I could touch it but could not articulate it.  It came out more like

 “You know, I was reading this not long ago…it said……..um…well….it was so good, it reminded me of……uh….shoot,, never mind it is on the tip of my tongue but I cant recall what I wanted to say exactly…. Maybe late when I;m not trying so hard to remember the thought will come to me.

Talk about Brain Fog!!!! 

It is not that God has quit speaking He is a Father who loves His kids and is Faithful to teach and guide us….but my Spirit may be lacking in its ability to truly receive.  Perhaps I have grown hard-hearted, dull eared and close minded. 

We all know the allegory seen in the dead sea.  It is a body of water with water flowing in, but nothing flowing out and over the years it has become salty, stagnant and nothing can live in it.  From early on in our Christian walk we have been encouraged to give away the truth God has instilled in us not to let it stagnant in us 

I have been failing in that area.  I am gifted as a teacher, but really, I have not shared anything I am learning.  If you want to know the truth I have even really related to people in over a year.   I am still digging in the Word, (though not nearly as faithfully as was my habit).  Sadly, I never or at least almost never speak out the things that were once bubbling over in my heart.  It used to be easy to take a truth God had shown me and share it with others via words of my mouth or words through typing….but now I’m not sure if the water is still bubbling with passion and life or slowly simmering away.  I don’t want to be the DEAD SEA!!!!!

So when I stumbled on the Louis L’Amour quote I knew it was time to turn the faucet on, prime the pump if need be!  I am responsible to communicate the things God has been trying to teach me.  And Not put it off until later, or next week, or next year.   I have a lot of other things I need to start doing to, but this is a start!

I am hoping some of the things that God has spoken to my heart over the last few months will be repeated.  This time I will treasure them as life giving words from my King! And I will share them (unless they are for me alone) knowing they will bless others as well. 

Greatest of Intentions and a little Spontaneous Repentence!!!

I have had great intentions with this blog, just as I have had great intentions with my morning quiet time routine, my workout and getting in shape goals or even recognizing the need just to get back to church.  Every night I go to bed with the thought Tomorrow is the day I am going to…..

Maybe this goal makes it until morning, maybe it even lasts a few days…but more often then not when the alarm goes off at 5 or so, I have forgotten all about my great intentions and opt instead for a little more sleep.  

My life has become a routine of getting up, checking facebook, going to work, coming home and watching tv, going to bed with very little variance.  I miss my early morning times of delving into the word for hours at a time, late night prayer times, having people to share life with.  I miss being passionate about something.  

Have I walked away from God?  No I still love Him with all my heart, I still get in the word…but not nearly as often as I should!!!  

Have I walked away from people?  Probably so…I talk to mom daily about our days, a rare phone conversations with Nicholsons (like only 2-3 times since January) I talk with folks at work but it is all surface stuff.  I don’t really go deep with anyone anymore.  

Have I walked away from dreams, vision, calling?  -yeah I have.

I have let my life get comfortable.  I go through my day living a life that means nothing. I have let apathy surround me and I hate it but I don’t know how to break the cylce.  think one day I will…..but Im afraid to take a single step towards those ideas. I haven’t even articulated those ideas to more than a handful of people.  

Where is the faith that God can move mountains?  Where is the passion for My King Jesus and His life changing words?  Where is the tribe I am running with and the visions I am carrying?  

2 years ago I was accused of doing something I had not done, by people I loved like family.  I tried to clear up the misunderstanding but I only got doors slammed in my face. I asked people to mediate only to learn they had already offered and the other party turned them down.  My ministry, my passion, my dreams of 17 years were flushed down the toilet and there was nothing I could do about it, my reputation was tainted and very few know the full story.    

I stepped away to process and greive and pray. I was hopefull that with time, lines of communication would open and the truth would shine forth.  So I said nothing…..I let very few in. At first this was cause I wanted to honor the other party, to cover their sin to keep doors open for healing and restoration.  But as time went on this distance and my motives behind it changed.    I felt betrayed and unjustly treated, I was angry and depressed,  I was scared to share what happened cause I could not hide my anger and hatred.  I was bitter and hurt.  but I got through that, I chose life, I chose forgiveness I chose to love again.  Through all of that God was so near, always speaking, and He surrounded me with a small handful of people I could trust.   But for the most part I had pulled away from those who hurt and accused me, from those we mutually knew and from nearly everyone  else in my life….

A year went by, and now two. And I realize I am still alone…not because I am angry anymore but because I am to afraid to trust again.  I had invites from other ministry leaders who heard the story and encouraged me to come work with them.  Who apologized for what had happened and assured me that was not God’s way…. but how can I trust another team, another leader when the very ones I loved and trusted more than anyone else hurt me so deeply?

I look at my life and compare it to my life 2 years and a month ago and I don’t recognize this path I am on.  My life looks normal though dangerously lonely.  I get up and go to work.  I have work friends, people I talk to daily but not true deeply connected friendships…I come home, eat dinner, watch TV, read a book, take a class.  My entire life goes forward, but where is the hunger, the joy, the passion the need for prayer and faith?  Where is the challenges, the vision the excitement?  Two years and a month ago I was leading teams and loving Jesus.  I was passionate about my own growth and investing in others. I had dreams bigger them me.  

I have lost my first love.  I have grown comfortable in my day to day.  I know God loves me, but I have not pursued Him back with hunger.  I have grown comfortable with the distance between He and I, and between myself and the rest of the world.  

Jesus I miss You!  I miss having a reason to get up and go about my day.  I miss being in Love with You, being passionate and Hungry to Know You more.  I am so sorry that I let my own anger and hurt cause me to pull away from people and by pulling away from those human interactions I began to miss out on the best part of being in family and relationship with You!!!  I didn’t realize I was leaving You behind too but I was.  Forgive me and help me to go back

Drawing Closer when it hurts

So I have been thinking about this a lot lately!  

Easter came and went just a few weeks ago.  During the week preceding Easter I like to read the accounts of what happened during the “Holy Week”.  If possible I like to attend or even host a seder meal with friends and family.  These practices help me to really reflect on the significance and transforming power of all the Jesus did for me in going to the cross.  

I often marvel at all that happens on the night Jesus and His disciples celebrated the last supper.  (John 13-18.)  John 13-17 is part of a selection of passages that I have often taken weeks to months to read, re-read and meditate, and re-read again. There is so much meat in those short few chapters.  These were Jesus’ last words to His closest friends and loved one.  This was Him passing on all He knew His followers would need to know after He was gone.  You know how in a movie when some one is dying people draw near so as not to miss a single syllable of the dying man’s last utterances.  

Admittedly His followers did not fully grasp that Jesus was essentially saying goodbye and preparing them to go on with out Him in the physical sense.  They had no idea as he taught during that last weeks, or conversed over that final meal, or as they walked and talked on their way to the garden of Gethsemane that by tomorrow this time Jesus would be dead.  When He poured out His heart to God and they struggled to stay awake they had no concept that this would be their last chance to pray with their friend who was closer then a brother, their honored Teacher, Lord and Savior.

But we do have that perspective.  We know what happened after Jesus got up from His time with God, we know how He was betrayed by Judas, one of His own.  We know how the ever confident Peter would soon deny he had ever even met the Lord.  How 11 of His 12 would flee and hide in terror for their own lives, letting themselves get buried under fear, confusion and dread.  How one in shame and guilt would take his very life feeling their was no possible return from his failures.  We read these passages from the perspective of knowing what was about to happen.  And what has happened since.

I just cant shake the realization that Jesus, who was God in the flesh, went through that last night with His 12 knowing who would betray Him, who would deny Him and who would fall away and loose hope even momentarily. He knew who would doubt His promises and would retreat and hide. Yet what does He do?  He draws closer to the 12.  He opens His heart even wider letting them all in even more then they already were.  He commits and covenants Himself to their relationship on an even deeper level then ever before.  He loved Peter, even though He already knew that with in a few hours Peter would be swearing that he had NEVER known Jesus.  He loved John and let Him rest upon His chest even knowing that in just a few hours time when Jesus would need a friends the most John would  desert Him in the very valley of decision, choosing the comfort of sleep over comforting Jesus whose heart was in deep anguish.  He loved Judas deeply, even knowing that Judas would soon betray Him with a kiss.  He gave His heart even more fully to each and everyone of His followers, knowing that most would not be with Him in His human hour of need.

How do we respond when others fail us, let us down, or purposefully seek to destroy us?  We get angry and offended, we rage and war, we distance ourselves and put up walls.  We back away to protect our hearts.  

Arent you grateful that Christ is not like Human lovers and friends.  Even knowing how deeply we will fail He draws closer to us!!! He bares His heart and gives us the opportunity to choose to love or strike Him.  He shows His vulnerability.  He keeps His connection with us as His priority!!!

We are often the first glimpse people get of Father God.  How we respond can draw people closer to the Truth and Love of Christ or push them even further away.

Getting back to it!!!

I had great intentions.  Write something, anything  at least twice a week.  This discipline would challenge me and help me to grow as a communicator and possibly help to motivate me to finish some big writing projects that have cooled on the back burner for way to long.  Also it would be a great outlet as I learn new things in the word of God I get this urgency to pass it on.  My drives become sermon birthing zones…typing up some of those teachings would help me to move into a new topic and give my dog a break from my rantings.  

Then I saw a lady speak into a video camera. She was not drop dead gorgeous, the room behind her was nothing special she did not have the voice to beat all other voices but her messages were passionate and inspiring. I watched and thought I could do this. I will do this….So I decided to share that list of values via a video message (a vlog?).  I borrowed my mom’s ipad and filmed 3 different messages.  It took hours cause in nervousness I kept stumbling over my words.  Funny but that flashing light was far more scary then any group of people I have ever spoken in front of!  I had carefully chosen the right outfit (admitedly I wore three to hide I was doing it all on one day) the perfect angle, not to close yet still up close and personal.  All in all I was pleased with the outcome it had taken a whole day, lots of fresh starts and akward blunders, yet my passion shone through.  I was fairly confident that people would be encouraged if not inspired!!!   But then when it came to posting them, I could not get the file to transfer.  They were too big?? I tried mutliple times with the same result.   I had no idea how to make them smaller.  

Defeated I filmed the first one over again using my laptop.  But I had to position the computer in such a way that my hands and gestures could never be seen.  I was nothing but a talking head.  The quality was grainy and I hated it!!!!  I posted it anyway to keep up with my deadline of posting something every few days…but I just sort of quit after that.  If it could not be done in a way I could be proud of why bother?

It has been over a month, almost two.  I guess it is time to get back on the horse…though we wont be filming anything just yet!

Cultivating Intimacy

We were created, designed for Friendship with God.

He loves and longs for me.  He is always pursuing me.  But I have a part to play in this relationship too.  It is my responsibility to respond by opening the door and Cultivating Intimacy.

Love Him, Get to know Him, spend time in His Word, in Prayer and in Worship.  Sit at His fee and learn to enjoy His presence.

Genesis 3:8; Deuteronomy 6:4-5; Psalm 47:1-2 , Ps 46:10, 55:16-17, 63:1-8; 73:25-26; Luke 10:38-42; John 8:31 and Revelation 3:20

How an Alaskan Road Trip with the Circuit Riders Influenced my Life & Ministry

I had never seen anything quite like it, and to this day I still haven’t.  For me it was a life changing experience!!!  

During the late August, September and possibly a little of Oct of 201l??? It was prior to my owning a smart phone so I have few pictures. and right before I traveled to Wyoming in Oct.  

Anyhow I got the opportunity to travel along the road system of Alaska ministering in churches, youth groups, Wal-Mart parking lots and a village. This was a group of 25? people most of them in their early 20’s but their was really quite an age diversity. This group sent out from Kona Hawaii had done the very first school of the Circuit Riders.  They had spent the last 6 weeks or so, in an environment that feeds and inspires faith, boldness and passion.  The school at is close had divided into several groups that were going around the US to preach Jesus and the simple gospel.  This particular team had come to Alaska.  

One of the students in that school had recently done his DTS and come on staff with the YWAM base I worked with in Homer AK.  The team needed to borrow one of our ministry van’s and a driver to go along with it.  Aaron the student of the school called me and asked me to be that volunteer driver and see if I could convince some of our fellow staff to come along.

So a handful of us from the Homer base drove up to Fairbanks, AK to meet up with the Circuit Riders.   We had not taken the school or shared in the bonding experience's this team had already shared in their lecture phase, but we were never treated like outsiders.  We were warmly and fully welcomed into this this band of fiery evangelists.  Having been a part of a lot of teams and schools over the years I was really impressed with the family feel of this particular team.  No doubt it had a lot to do with their incredible leaders Tom and Donna Cole who sort of adopted the whole clan into their family for the season.  We would gather in the massive living room of the lodge we stayed in and visit and pray.  It had such a loving feel of kinship. 

 This group was some of the boldest, hungriest passionate teams I had ever been around.  This trip was by far one of the most fruitful outreaches I had ever been on.  I don’t recall how many people accepted Jesus or received emotional or physical healing in prayer.  It seemed daily there were multiple stories of How God moved on hearts.  What I do recall is the times you don’t expect deep ministry.  

Like making a grocery run to Walmart, the leaders were shopping for necessities the students were given a short amount of time to get what they wanted.  Coming out to the van after shopping I look out into the parking lot and see three different gathering of Circuit riders praying over an individual or family.  I had actually seen the same thing a time or two in the store.   One group stood just outside the van so I stepped into the circle to meet the native couple my team was ministering to.  A man named Moses was weeping as my friends spoke life over him and his wife.

Another glimpse that stood out was when after weeks of travel and ministry we decided to take a day off, a much needed rest.  We drove our many vans to Chena Hot springs just outside of Fairbanks.  It was fun.  The weather was cool and crisp though I don’t think we had seen any snow just yet, but we were soaking in a natural hot springs during the evening hours and stayed to watch the Northern Lights with a room full of Japanese tourists.  Yet on that day off 3 people got saved and at-least one was baptized.

 

I never could pinpoint why that team was so different, then others I have known, why they seemed to be more eager to step out and why they were blessed with not only fruitfulness but favor at every turn!  I knew leaving that experience I wanted to be more passionate and bold with my faith.  I wanted to encourage that family feel in the teams I lead or was a part of.   And I wanted to give room and  encourage others around me to step out in in radical obedience to the things they felt God leading them towards even if it did not fit with my plan.  I may not have these skills perfected but I have seen good fruit from my resolve in these areas.

During the outreach one of the co-leaders of the team, a good friend of mine and adopted Big Brother would take the time to sit with "my team" from Homer and talk about some of the things God had taught them during the Circuit Rider School.  So we were able to get some of the teaching the others had had. (Later 3 of us went to Kansas City with one of the AK DTS teams to do our own Circuit Rider School).   I kept his folder of notes and books while we traveled so that even when we did not find time to meet as smaller team I was able to still go through the material on my own.  I wanted to glean all I could.  So I would get up early for a quiet time and then turn to this notebook and see what stood out to me.  In the  left side cover of this white folder jammed with a notebook, handouts and some booklets stood a print off.  I think it may have been a list of values for the school??   It was a downward list of one-liners things like

Cultivate Intimacy

It is Always, All about Jesus!

Radical Obedience

Destroy the Little Foxes and be quick to Joyfully Repent

Speak with Purity

Create an Atmosphere, and live out a Culture of Honor, Trust and Love

Reach the Lost, Revive the Saved, Disciple them All!!

I don’t recall how many were on that sheet, but they caught my attention and my imagination.  Jotting them down in a notebook I kept meditating on that list through out our travels.  After I got home I transferred them to my laptop and began finding verses to support each value.  Over the last several years I dropped a few off their list that just didn’t hit me the same as the rest and I have added a few of my own (and dropped some of my own too).  I no longer remember which ones were theirs, and which were mine as this List of Values has become my own.  It is how I seek to live every day of my life, how I want to carry myself in every relationship and moment. It has become habit over the last 5-6 years to meditate and pray through this list regularly, evaluating if I am walking it out and resolving to do better. Leading Schools and sharing messages I have Incorporated them into my messages and I have even used this list as a “contract” to challenge, encourage and inspire every team I have led.  In the last “hard season” I have gone back over them often wrestling with the ones I was no longer walking out and even added to them or deepened them in meaning and understanding.  Over the next few weeks I plan to share them with you though if I can figure out how to video tape them I would rather share them via talking or pacing as I tend to do when I get worked up :-)

If we could really live out scripture in our life, walk it out perfectly then this is what it means to me to truly walk out the concept of “Loving the Lord our God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength and loving our neighbor as ourselves.”

I have always kept this list of values broken up under those three categories.

Loving God

1.  Cultivate Intimacy

2. It’s Always, All about Jesus

3. Passionate Worship and Engaged Intercession

4. Be Thankful!  Have an Attitude of Gratitude

5. Radical Obedience

6. Ridiculous Faith - Completely Trust in Him and His Word

7.  Walk in Wholehearted Unbroken Communion With God

8. Destroy the Little Foxes and Be Quick to Joyfully Repent

Love your Neighbor

9.  Believe the Best

10. Create and Atmosphere & live out a Culture of Honor, Trust and Love

11. Honor and Submit to Leaders as Unto the Lord

12. Give Others the Grace and Freedom to Fail

13. Be-Unoffendable and Remain Tender-Hearted

(Be Quick to Forgive- Even Without an Apology!)

14. Confront in Love and According to Scripture

15. Speak with Purity

16. Serve Unreservedly & Put Others First

17. Reach the Lost, Revive the Saved & Disciple Them All!!!

As Yourself

18.  Keep God First

19. Owe No Man Anything but Love

20. Your Body is the Temple of the Living God

21. Live Above Reproach

22. Live Authentically - Be Real/Be Transparent and Keep your Walls Down

23. Speak Life, Speak Truth, Confess the Word

24. Be Teachable, Humble and Approachable

25. Develop Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faith-fullness, Gentleness and Self Control.

Worshipping in the midst of the Alaska State fair