God’s Faithfullness

 

I was frustrated and feeling like a complete failure.  For two weeks now I have planned to set aside the day to work on finish up support raising.  In less than a month I will be overseas, and yet before I go I need to get $800 more committed monthly finances.  Yet each day comes to a close and still I have not made the dreaded phone calls.  I love the stories where God provides and nobody at all knows the missionaries needs.  Yet every time I ask God to please just send all I need, to send me a miracle, He seems not to hear. 

Often over the past 8 years God has challenged me that I need to be bold in this area, to trust Him to provided and yet not be fearful of asking people to partner with me.  I chided myself, this is not that big of a deal, all  you need is 30 people to give 30 dollars each month…..why are you making this into a mountain?  For the past several days I pleaded asking God for a sign, for encouragement for something to give me the boldness to pick up that darn phone.

Last night full of feelings of overwhelming failure I sadly turned off my light and made my way to bed.  I was startled by the phone ringing…who would be calling me now?  I picked it up to see that Melody was calling.  A bit confused I answered.

“Can you see the Northern Lights? she asked.” 

“Northern Lights really?  Where?  Now?  Gotta go!”  Was my jumbled response as I threw on my shoes, sweater and tried to stumble out of the bus with out turning on the light again.

I ran outside.  Since early childhood, I have loved the Northern Lights, they fascinate me.  That is one of the things I most look forward to about moving to Alaska next summer.  Running into the darkness I scanned the northern horizon, were those the lights?  At first all I saw was a long thin whitish cloud.  Disappointed I watched the grayish fog, then ever so faintly I saw the lights ripple first one way then a wave another.  A light pink hue seemed to grow and glow.

They were not nearly as brilliant as the pictures I have seen nor even as bold as the ones I saw a few years ago.  They didn’t dance  really but seemed to ripple, yet sure enough these were the northern lights!  They were real, They were there!  I sat and watched them in wonder and they were promises of a future more brilliant Northern lights to come.  They were also an encouragement of God’s good blessings to come!  His provision, in the weeks to come!  I felt confident that God had indeed sent me a sign.  I felt bold, ready to climb this mountain!

So what causes those really cool lights?  It is the flares from the sun trying to  penetrate our atmosphere, and getting diverted by our ionosphere.  Just as the lights to me were a reminder of God’s care and provision, in reality we  are seeing the evidence of  God’s protective hand diverting the flares from the earth’s surface.

no the pictures are not of last nights lights but  of some of the more bright and brilliant lights I long to see one day

Good Morning Da

“Good Morning Da.”   were the first words that rolled through my mind when I awoke a few Sundays back.  As I lie there in bed getting my bearings I had to laugh at myself.  Often times over the years I have awoke with a song, a prayer or a simple greeting to the Lord upon my lips.  And over the years I have known my God, as Lord, Savior Friend, Father, Brother, Protector, King, Provider.  In prayer I often refer to him as Dad or Abba, but well Da was a new one.  Obviously I have watched too many Irish films of late.

That morning was Fathers day, and I spent the day with my heavenly Dad.  I had wanted to go to the river or the hills, the places I most enjoy being with God; but instead I spent the day sorting boxes.  The day was not a waste for even in the midst of the tasks at hand He was there with me.

Then earlier this week I got a package in the mail.  I had ordered it weeks ago but it had been backordered for so long I forgot it was coming.  Curious I opened it to find a sweatshirt I had order from Irish gifts.  (I need a sweatshirt to take overseas with me and figured my Marine Corp one was not a good option)  So I had ordered a brown one that declares me to be Irish.  Wrapped along side the sweater in layers of bubble wrap.  Hidden so well I nearly tossed it out was a granite plaque, I had ordered as a gift to give away on Fathers day.  Carefully I unwrapped it and gazed over the words engraved upon it. “Teacher, Protector, Wisdom, Coach, Father, Trust, Strength, Faithful, Inspiration, Leader, Hero, Mentor, Love, Provider, Friend, Counselor, Dignity, Integrity, Dad” 

Originally when I ordered the plaque I considered ordering two.  One for my step dad and another for Jim who has been like a Dad to me over the past ten years.  I ended up ordering just the one, unsure of who I would give it to.  Though with it resting in my hand, there was no longer any question who this belated Fathers day gift would go to.   I gave it to my Da.  My Abba, My Dad, My covering.  It sits alongside of my bible, right next to my computer.   I hope the sight of it every day will remind me just how wonderful He  really is.

“So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore”

That is the title of a book I have been reading lately.  I picked it up in Wal-Mart one weekend cause I was planning to spend the following Sunday with my bible by the lake.  Plans didn't really go as I expected  but the book is proving to be a good read anyhow.  In fact I highly recommend it, that is if you want to read a book that may step on your toes a little.

It is all about a pastor (from nowadays) who met and had many encounters with John the disciple of Jesus.  At first the book talked a lot about church as it is and as it could be.  I read enjoying every page, thinking of all the other folks in my life who would also enjoy this book. 

Yesterday I took the book with me to work so while waiting for the boss to arrive and show me what needs done on a new job, I was able to steal a few moments to read.  It talked about how dead and religious most church goers are.  I immediately thought of the church I grew up in and all the traditions of men that are based on Catholicism and the teachings of some dead reformer and not on scripture.  No doubt It was their religion and lack of seeing a real living God that launched me into my search for faith many years ago. I felt sorry for those still stuck in bondage and not even realizing it.   But as I read a little more I began to see dead religion in the lives of people I currently surround myself with.  They dress this way, won’t drink, won’t listen to -or watch, can’t go…etc.  Yet on the flip side, they reach out, pray, preach, go, live…. Although I share many of their convictions, and love much of what I see, there is much I have disagreed with over the years.  I have spent years, watching, learning and dreaming.  “One day I hope to be like so and so, except, I will do this and this differently, my motive in this will be better, and the fruit of my efforts in those areas will prove to be more lasting or more  pure or just improved then the fruit I see in their lives right now. 

I could hardly wait till lunch when I read a few more pages, but this time I found dead religion in my life.  Ouch!!!!!

I love to get up early in the mornings and read my bible, talk with my Heavenly Dad.  A few years ago I decided to commit scripture or other profound quotes to memory.  I have been actively involved in ministry and missions for years.   I may not tithe to a church every week, but I give my tithe and offerings  to God, and his works.  Years ago I made a commitment to remain not just physically  but emotionally pure until marriage.  I long for the day when I can one day be a wife and a mother, when I can home school my own children.  These are my convictions, some of them God given, all of them God honoring I'm sure.  Yet they have also become my religion just as binding and dead as the the things I disdain now or left behind years ago. 

In the book John the disciple began to challenge the pastor about his motives behind his actions, his churches programs, and such.  I realized how much of what I do for God is done out of guilt.  For example I feel guilty when I skip church, I feel guilty when I go a few days with out a quiet time in the mornings.  When things get hard for me, when I'm not seeing God’s miraculous provision, I immediately begin to examine my life for areas of sin, just sure that I have lost God’s favor. 

I love what I do in missions and ministry, but often I forget to do things with God and in His Might, but seek to serve Him in my own strength and abilities, then I get tired and burnt out.  I took a hard look at how I view people around me, I hold them to the same standards I hold myself too.  Just like the Pharisees of old I try to heap my rules and standards on those around me.  When people ask me is so and so a Christian I look at their prayer life their bible reading their heart for the lost, often times saying, their religious but don't really seem to have any relationship with the Lord.  When leading a team overseas for a mission trip a few years back I was always frustrated with one of our team members for never once did I see her crack open her bible.  As I sat on my bead reading my bible in the mornings I would look at my sleeping roommate and pray ‘God help her to be more diligent, to make time with You and priority.” 

Yet where is that first love?  Where is the joy simply in being a child of God?  Where is that awareness of His presence in every area and moment of my day?    When did I begin to earn God’s favor.  why do I so fear loosing His love in moments of weakness in a moment of sin?  when did I trade my relationship with Him for a list of expectations and convictions?