“So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore”

That is the title of a book I have been reading lately.  I picked it up in Wal-Mart one weekend cause I was planning to spend the following Sunday with my bible by the lake.  Plans didn't really go as I expected  but the book is proving to be a good read anyhow.  In fact I highly recommend it, that is if you want to read a book that may step on your toes a little.

It is all about a pastor (from nowadays) who met and had many encounters with John the disciple of Jesus.  At first the book talked a lot about church as it is and as it could be.  I read enjoying every page, thinking of all the other folks in my life who would also enjoy this book. 

Yesterday I took the book with me to work so while waiting for the boss to arrive and show me what needs done on a new job, I was able to steal a few moments to read.  It talked about how dead and religious most church goers are.  I immediately thought of the church I grew up in and all the traditions of men that are based on Catholicism and the teachings of some dead reformer and not on scripture.  No doubt It was their religion and lack of seeing a real living God that launched me into my search for faith many years ago. I felt sorry for those still stuck in bondage and not even realizing it.   But as I read a little more I began to see dead religion in the lives of people I currently surround myself with.  They dress this way, won’t drink, won’t listen to -or watch, can’t go…etc.  Yet on the flip side, they reach out, pray, preach, go, live…. Although I share many of their convictions, and love much of what I see, there is much I have disagreed with over the years.  I have spent years, watching, learning and dreaming.  “One day I hope to be like so and so, except, I will do this and this differently, my motive in this will be better, and the fruit of my efforts in those areas will prove to be more lasting or more  pure or just improved then the fruit I see in their lives right now. 

I could hardly wait till lunch when I read a few more pages, but this time I found dead religion in my life.  Ouch!!!!!

I love to get up early in the mornings and read my bible, talk with my Heavenly Dad.  A few years ago I decided to commit scripture or other profound quotes to memory.  I have been actively involved in ministry and missions for years.   I may not tithe to a church every week, but I give my tithe and offerings  to God, and his works.  Years ago I made a commitment to remain not just physically  but emotionally pure until marriage.  I long for the day when I can one day be a wife and a mother, when I can home school my own children.  These are my convictions, some of them God given, all of them God honoring I'm sure.  Yet they have also become my religion just as binding and dead as the the things I disdain now or left behind years ago. 

In the book John the disciple began to challenge the pastor about his motives behind his actions, his churches programs, and such.  I realized how much of what I do for God is done out of guilt.  For example I feel guilty when I skip church, I feel guilty when I go a few days with out a quiet time in the mornings.  When things get hard for me, when I'm not seeing God’s miraculous provision, I immediately begin to examine my life for areas of sin, just sure that I have lost God’s favor. 

I love what I do in missions and ministry, but often I forget to do things with God and in His Might, but seek to serve Him in my own strength and abilities, then I get tired and burnt out.  I took a hard look at how I view people around me, I hold them to the same standards I hold myself too.  Just like the Pharisees of old I try to heap my rules and standards on those around me.  When people ask me is so and so a Christian I look at their prayer life their bible reading their heart for the lost, often times saying, their religious but don't really seem to have any relationship with the Lord.  When leading a team overseas for a mission trip a few years back I was always frustrated with one of our team members for never once did I see her crack open her bible.  As I sat on my bead reading my bible in the mornings I would look at my sleeping roommate and pray ‘God help her to be more diligent, to make time with You and priority.” 

Yet where is that first love?  Where is the joy simply in being a child of God?  Where is that awareness of His presence in every area and moment of my day?    When did I begin to earn God’s favor.  why do I so fear loosing His love in moments of weakness in a moment of sin?  when did I trade my relationship with Him for a list of expectations and convictions?