St. Lawrence Island

How do I sum up the trip for you in just a few words??  

Little sleep

lots of kids!!! 

Adults and Teens too

people hurting

a Refuge

Stand for life!

Jesus

here are some pics, sorry I failed to take any pics when adults or even teens  were around.

 

  

I am not Insignificant!

We leave for St.Lawrence Island in just 5 short days.  A month ago I was excited and looking forward to the chance to minister in this native community in the middle of the Bearing Sea.  Right now I am dreading it.  Quite Simply I don’t want to go.  Where did all this nervousness and unrest come from?  I have been trying to place my finger on it for a few weeks now.  Last night I was explaining to one of my team mates why I was dreading the trip.  “I hate that sort of face to face evangelism, it is not my gift.”  I am not good at talking to people I don't know.”  Anybody who knows me, has probably noticed this to be true.  Get a group of people around and you will find me sitting quietly in the back corner watching everybody else.

So this morning I took my bible and journal and hopped into my truck to drive to one of my new found quiet places.  “I don't get it God”  I uttered.  “Why was I so eager to go a few months ago but now that the time is here I no longer want to go?   Even though I know you said You would provided I am full of doubt that the needed finances will get here in time?  What is wrong with me?”

Than it hit me, I feel very insignificant!  I feel utterly useless as if I have nothing to add to this outreach or this community.  I have forgotten who I was created to be. 

I am the daughter of the King of all kings.  I am His treasured Jewel, precious in His sight.  I  am a woman of influence and authority.  I am loved by my Daddy God.  I am not going into this village as a nobody.  I am going with my Heavenly King into a land that belongs to Him to reconcile a people He loves dearly unto Himself.  I go empowered, sealed and confirmed by His spirit.  I am royalty, and I go as an ambassador an official of His Kingdom.  I have authority, wisdom, power and love at my disposal.  I am not insignificant! 

“The Truth of God’s Grace humbles a man without degrading him & exalts a man with out inflating him.”

- The Supernatural Ways of Royalty 

written by Bill Johnson and Kris Vallotton

God is so Good!!!!

  Man what an incredible view.  God gets to see this all the time.

These are some photos of my first ever flight in a little plane with Jim and Ruth Lawler. 

Talking to teens about not giving up on Life

Well by far the most recent news is we just returned from an outreach week to Soldovia, AK. It is a short ferry ride across the bay. The village is relatively small, but beautiful...especially when the fog lifted a few hours each morning and we could get a glimpse of where we were at. Personally I think the morning fog lift was a bit significant and representative of the purpose of our visit.

We (the YWAM team) partnered with a ministry called Carry the Cure, (check out their website www.carythecure.org ) who was invited by the Tribe to come in and talk in the schools about the simple fact that life is worth living! (They have had problems with cutting and suicide) We were there three days with a band of very talented musicians!!!! The first day the musicians held musical workshops in the school….that night we played basketball in the open gym with a few of the kids and then set up the stage and equipment. The next day we held a school assembly, where we talked to the kids about suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem. They played some games, sang some rock tunes and encouraged the kids that they were all unique and had a rhythm of their own, (as illustrated with them beating on garbage cans, brooms, a regular stomp session!!) but they had to promise not to stop the rhythm of their lives.

That night we invited the kids to come back for more music, more games, and more stories. They brought their families, people from the community came…the music was loud and the message of hope expanded on from the afternoon session. For Jesus is the source of True HOPE.

(Thursday) Today was our last day in the village, it was harder in some ways, in the morning we went to the high-school English class and talked to the kids about what they can do to prevent suicide. How they can recognize when it is a risk, and strategies they can apply in talking to their friends when they see they are at risk. We also talked about cutting….in such a small class I was surprised to see the scars on so many of the teens arms and legs. In the

afternoon they held a workshop for the middle grades on bullying. Afterwards one of the moms/leaders in the community shared with us the story of what prompted the tribe to invite us in….I don’t want to bog you down with the story cause I am still a bit overwhelmed by the sorrow of it…but pray for the youth of Soldovia both the white and native kids. Pray they find love and acceptance and hope in Jesus. Pray for the adults of the community, the parents, teachers, elders of the tribe, that they will know how to encourage those kids to pursue their God given purpose and to LIVE Life.

I just got a call this afternoon (Friday0, telling me that one of my relatives had committed suicide this past week. I am a bit in shock……while I was working with Carry the Cure and sharing with kids that life is good, they are valuable and suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, someone else I know gave up. Here is the thing I have been there, I have felt so overwhelmed by life that death seemed to be the only possible solution. Like those kids who cut themselves to deal with the pain in their lives, I too have inflicted bodily wounds to take pain from the inside and put it on the outside where it was easier to deal with (Punching walls) I found breaks, bruises and bloody knuckles easier to deal with then hurt, fear, betrayal….and often when I could feel the pain easing up so that it didn’t hurt to move my hand anymore I would go out and do it again. (much of two-three years of my life I walked around with sore hands)

I guess I share this so you know that I do understand, I have been to the bottom of the pit….if your there, don’t give up!!!! Find someone talk to them about what is weighing you down. You may feel like your drowning, grab hold of the life preserver, call for help, talk to people it helps!!! If you see someone struggling reach out, give them a hug, tell them you care. Suicide is 100% preventable.

Why I cried.

Tears were streaming down my face…to be honest I was a bit perplexed.  I didn’t know why I was crying.  I closed my eyes and tried to gain control after all I was in class and they were telling funny stories about 4 wheelers and snowmobiles.  Nothing to cry over.  I did not want anyone to realize I was crying…but still the tears flowed.  What set it off?

It was Scott (the base director) telling about how much he and his family enjoyed snowmobiling and 4 wheeling and how he longed to own one or the other.  He was sharing how it would be a blessing to his family and the ministry here for both machines are a way of life.  He then shared with the students and myself the things the ministry is praying for.  Land and a building so they wont be renting and will be able to build and improve what they have.  A boat since 95% of Alaska is assessable only by plane or boat.  As it is they have to buy ferry tickets and plane tickets to their outreach locations here in the state, which is costly.  They spoke of moose hunting and I thought of their freezer full of beef (they bought), moose, bear or fish they hunted or caught.  Yet steak is not on the menu….

That is what started the tears…back home at CWAM steak was regularly on the menu, we had a 4 wheeler, horses.  My friends back home have 4 wheelers, boats, all these things that would be such a blessing here.  I never once thought of a 4 wheeler as a gift of God, I never thought of a boat as anything special, horses were a 4 legged mode of transportation, I never thought of a steak as a delicacy.  Here I had been so richly blessed and I never even knew it.  I never took the time to thank God for such gifts.

Pray for YWAM arctic Mercy that God would bless them with the boat and the property that would enable them to both establish themselves in this community and reach out to the native community on the islands.

Lord, Help me to be a Thermostat set after You.

What do you do when you can see something needs done but it is not your turn, or not your responsibility?  Do you do it, remind the party responsible or ignore it?  If you do decide to pick up the slack, are you willing about it or thinking I should not have to be doing this.  Do you point out to others “So and so said they would do this, but they must have forgot.”

How do you respond when everyone around you is whining or complaining about a circumstance or a persons actions.  Do you agree, “Yes this sucks” Confront the negative attitude, try to change the subject or just listen and hold your tongue?

What is the right response?  How do we serve as Thermostats in those sort of situations?

Take Moses as an example.  There is no doubt He was a man of God, he was a friend of God.  God’s favor and protection was in His life.  He was loved by God.  God did miracle for and through him.  Moses did not start out wanting to lead.  Recall the burning bush, he was afraid, he did not feel capable, he was not confident in his abilities to lead other or communicate God’s word to Pharaoh.  But God saw Moses full potential and He promised to use Moses mightily and to back up Moses words with signs and wonders. 

For 40 years, Moses led God’s people through the wilderness.  He saw God deliver them from the hand of the Egyptians.  He witness God provided them with manna and quail.  He saw God Provided water in the dessert.  He watched as the presence of God burned like a fire.  Moses was responsible before God to lead and teach the Israelites'.  To lead them in the ways of God, to bring them to the land God had promised them.  For 40 years  Moses walked with God as a friend.  Yet in the end, Moses never got to step foot into the promised land.  He got to see it, but he never had the chance to touch it.  Why?  How could this man of God miss out?

God had called Moses to be a Thermostat, to lead others.  For the most part he did.  However on one occasion, he reacted as a thermometer rather then a thermostat.  Imagine this, He had led the people 40 years through the desert on a trip that should have only taken 2 weeks.  It was not his fault, that God had kept them in the desert.  Time and time again these people who had see the miracles and power of God would complain and murmur against God and Moses.  They would not learn, they would not trust God they would not obey Him.  And so in Anger  Moses struck a rock and said that God would provide water to these undeserving Israelites'.  However God had told Moses to speak to the rock.  for that moment he let the complaints and disobedience of the people get to him and He responded in anger, and frustration.  But he knew better.

God still loved Moses, God still favored Moses, God still considered Moses His friend.  But Moses missed out on the reward God longed to give him.  He missed out on touching the promised land.  I will admit that scares me. 

Papa, My King, help me to follow after you and challenge others to follow more passionately after you.  help me not to blend into the crowd.  To lower the standard for comforts sake.

Are you a Thermometer or are you a Thermostat?

What’s the difference?  Well a Thermometer is that little gauge that tells you the temperature.  Weather it is hot or cold the thermometer will reflect it.  It has no power to change things in anyway just show you the reality of what you can already see and feel.

Some people are like thermometers, they get into a crowd and adjust to what everyone else is doing.  If they are with a bunch of Christians, these people can fit right in, but just as easily they can slip into the non Christian circles and fit right in.  They dress, talk, act and think like the people they surround themselves with.

A Thermostat on the other hand, is that little gadget in most rooms, where you can press a button or turn a dial and set the temperature for the room.  If you want the room to be 63 F you turn the dial set the temp and the heating or cooling system will kick in. 

The people who are like Thermostats set the standard for those around them.  They are the leaders among their peers.  People follow them, doing, speaking, acting as they do.  They can lead others in upright behavior or pave the way for sin.

God has called us to be thermostats not merely thermometers.  He wants us to have a positive impact on the people we meet.  It is up to us, we can let God set the standard and draw others towards it or we can allow the world, our friends or even ourselves to set the mark.  Will we burn Hot, Luke-warm or Cold?

A Taste of What is to Come

I had only been in Homer all of ten minutes when I was told that if I had 150 to pay for the Ferry ticket I could join the team on an outreach to a native village. I had the fare and was game for the adventure. So after a hectic three days of helping to cook for a team of 34 teens I and 3 of the YWAM staff and 5 kids boarded a 12 hour ferry to Kodiak. We arrived in Kodiak the next morning, went shopping for supplies and then hopped a much smaller boat/ship/water vessel which carried us to Spruce Island and a small village called Ouzinkie. It was a beautiful trip as you can see!!!!

The rest of the YWAM team were already there and had been repairing/remodeling this really old mission house that had served as a kindergarten and Medical clinic (I think) for the village for some 54 years. For the most part the labor they needed was reserved for the people who actually had skills, but I helped out as I could. It was fun getting to know the people who lived in this village. There was this teenage girl who hung out who was starved for affection. I and two other YWAMers had the opportunity to join three native guys on a fishing trip. That was a lot of fun!!!! I actually spent most of my time on the water hoping I did not catch anything, since legally I should not have been fishing. It was funny as I was the only person on the skiff who never had to re-bait my hook. But watching everyone catch was not real fun either so I was pretty happy when we floated over a school of Cod and everybody (including me) caught some fish. The native guy who had taken us said we should not worry about the white man’s fishing licenses since as far as he was concerned we were doing nothing wrong but catching food to eat. Though I hope to be legal next opportunity I have to fish.

I made some cool discoveries.

• Salt water or the sea has a unique and cool smell, can’t describe it really.
• Jigging is a term that has nothing to do with dancing…though technically I suppose it could be said you were making the bait dance in the water to attract a fish.
• A Banya – is sort of like a sauna, only different as it involves no clothing and well that is a slightly awkward story J.
• Well so far fish is not as bad tasting as I recall. I have tasted halibut, salmon, shrimp, crab, scallops and something else.
• Whale’s are really big and wow, I want to see lots of them!!!!

North to Alaska

Alaska is a beautiful state!!!!! I have never seen a land so rugged and yet so incredibly majestic. The drive was amazing, I was in no hurry as I ventured forth, in some ways I dreaded getting to the other side and having to meet people I don’t know, but also I wanted to see and appreciate all the beauty God had created. One sight I wish I had been able to take a photo of so you could see it was this long glacier that set like a belt in the middle of this mountain range. At first I thought it was a cloud, and then I supposed it might be a river at the foot of the mountain, but as I neared even closer I discover it was a vast band of snow, half way up the mountain. It was as I turned away from the peaks that in my rearview mirror I glimpsed the image I so wish to have captured. This glacier had what must have been enormous ice crevices carved into it where the sun had melted it. The snow was a blinding white those jagged fissures were a brilliant blue. I must admit thought the sight was beautiful beyond words It was also threatening. I don’t know how deep those cracks went but I think I would hesitate to walk across such a field.

I must share with you how God provided for this trip. It seems He likes to test my faith, my departure date (Tuesday)came and went and I only had a small portion of the travel money. I was grateful to God and those who had given, but in all honesty it felt like a drop in a need as vast as the sea. I did enjoy the extra days to say good bye, and I resolved that I would leave Thursday morning. It all came in Tuesday and Wednesday, some from a cousin in Texas, some from two teenage little brothers in the Lord and the rest as I stopped by people’s houses just to say good bye. So Thursday morning I set out a bit nervously on this great adventure. It is funny I bawled like a baby saying good bye to those I left on Wednesday but when I left the Nicholson’s Thursday morning it felt no more like goodbye had I been setting off to run errands in town for them. I gave them each a hug, and as I walked out the door I called back I have my phone on me and Sarah finished for me, we will call if we need anything. That was God’s grace I am sure for it did not really hit me that I had left until about half way to Canada. The trip was uneventful, that is a good thing!!!! I enjoyed the time just to talk with my heavenly Dad. I will confess one funny thought that occurred to me my second night of sleeping in the Canadian wilderness. I had not see another vehicle for hours and had not seen any wildlife for some miles, it was 10:30 at night and although it was broad daylight I was tired and ready to sleep. Wearily I pulled off the road in this turn out alongside the river. I stepped out to stretch my legs, take some pictures of the landscape. On one side a cliff seemed to loom over me, and the river roared past, but other than that not a human sound could be heard. Pestered by mosquito’s I quickly returned to my vehicle and prepared to stretch out on my front seat. I was nearly asleep when I recalled that I had not locked the doors. Muttering to myself I lazily stretched out both my hand and my foot to simultaneously push down both locks and fell fast asleep. The next morning after having driven a few hours I recalled my sleepy mutterings and had to laugh at myself. What had been that last semi-conscious thought you ask? “Better lock the door ‘case Big Foot comes down and wants a ride.” It sounds silly now, but on that night, in that remote wilderness it seemed perfectly logical.

Get out of Your Country to a Land that I will Show You!

Sitting here in Meeteetse, Wyoming, I marvel at the goodness of God.  I am at a loss for words to express my thoughts and my feelings at this very moment. 

A year ago there was a barbed wire fence, stretched between me and Cowboys With a Mission.  Getting to close to that fence caused all sort of tangles and pain.  All I really wanted was to be here though. That longing owned me while the division grieved my heart.

I have spent the past week here, the faces are new, but still it was like being home.  We worshiped, prayed, ate, learned and grew together.  But I don’t want to stay, at least not at this time.  Funny how much can change in a year.  I got what I prayed for, to be welcome, and yet in all reality, I am glad it is just a visit.

In Genesis 12 God calls Abraham out of his country, his people and his father’s household.  The Lord told this man to leave all that he knew and go to a place where God was leading him.  Ole Abe did not know where he was going, but in obedience he said goodbye to all that he loved to follow and pursue the Father.  Father God wanted Abraham all to Himself, He wanted to use this journey to mold and shape this man into the man that would become a father to many nations.  He had a destiny, but he had to be willing to step out of the familiar, out of the boat. 

As I look towards moving to Alaska in a couple of months, I think this next season is a time God will be redefining me.  This is home, this is where my spiritual family dwells, this is where my people come from.  This is Where I found Jesus and where I first found fulfillment in serving Him.  This is all I have ever wanted to know…but Father is leading me away, to what or for how long I don’t rightly know, but there is a real excitement brewing in me. 

Why I Disappeared for awhile

Ok, So I forgot to blog!… Actually Forgot is not the right word, as I purposefully chose not to.  You see one day while over there I was introduced to a sweet woman who was a believer.  Anyhow we arranged to meet weekly so she could learn English….but I never saw her again.  When I asked my friends what happened to her I was told that she was afraid to come.  You see the police had pulled her in to question her about why she had been seen at the foreigner home.

Knowing we were being watched I was a bit gun shy.  Although I had been careful not to share the names of my students, their parents or any of our local friends in any of my correspondences back home.  Still this was a risk that was not mine to take.  So I pretty much quit emailing, blogging and kept my face book comments pretty neutral.

That said I am home again!!!! It was an eventful season, but I am grateful to be back in the states.   I am thankful to you for your prayers and support!!!!