Day 1 of new DTS, “Am I giving God all of me?”

Thought it might be fun to keep you all involved in our DTS via this blog….but we all know how well my 100 day challenged went. Speaking of the 100 day challenge I decided to start over once again…I’m technically on day 4.

So Today was the very first day our newest Discipleship Training School. 2 Weeks ago we were expecting 8 students…but they whittled themselves down and so we start with only 5. It is a small school, but so far it seems like a pretty good fit. We have one married couple in their early 20’s- Mitch and Jana; three single gals all 18-20 (I think) Kate, Juanita and Jordan. I think they will all connect really well.

It is funny but nervousness’ did not really hit strongly till this morning. And then I was just hit with this terror, “what have I got myself into?”. I just feel so unqualified to staff and lead this school. But then I was reminded of a quote God gave me in one of those many 100 day seasons (that I have yet to complete) but anyhow God reminded me of a sentence I wrote down once about how I am a natural leader and I have a lot to give. It was encouraging and I spoke it out loud over myself this morning. God has given me the ability to lead, to teach to love people…right now this group are strangers to me…so it is hard to imagine myself being at ease…but soon they will be MY team, and the Momma bear side of me will come out. My prayer is that God will help me to always see them through His eyes, love them, encourage them and speak life into each of them!

Naturally I am a quiet, shy and reserved person. I’m 100% comfortable being alone and am self entertained….It is a stretch for me to go hang out with people just for the fun of it. To go join in on conversations, to be upfront. So after getting up at 5:15 to go work out at 5:30, spending all day in long days of meetings all I really wanted to do was go hole up in my room, maybe watch a movie. I looked out to see most the girls grooming horses and I knew I really ought to go hang out instead. (Until we know peoples experience level, we don’t want them ridding without certain staff present). After an hour or so the guys rejoined the group along with Joe (Local deputy Sherriff who has taken charge of our horsemanship program) Anyhow Joe start showing one of the girls how to work her horse in the round pen. Before long we are all gathered around watching, listening as he is explaining what he is doing.

This horse was decently well trained…but he found as he pushed her around the round pen that she was more than willing to give him her left side but she resisted giving him her right. That is actually pretty common when you consider we do most everything from the left of a horse. Catch and halter them, saddle and get on and off from the left. She was good natured and willing to do anything he asked of her as long as he stayed on her left side…but she was uncomfortable with him on the right. She kept resisting. Joe mentioned that really he only had half a horse if she only gave hi the left side and he was going to keep pushing till she gave him both sides.

It kind of reminded me of myself …I was used to being my own boss pretty early on and do not like to be told what to do. As long as it was my idea or my terms then I was more than happy to go along with people…but as soon as it infringed on my personal space, my plans or my preferences than I’m not liking it!!! As a kid I would get it in my head I ought to clean my room, but as soon as my mom would tell me I needed to clean my room then I would refuse to do it!

I think we are that way with God too. God I will do anything! I will follow you anywhere. Lord I will lay down anything that hinders me in my walk with YOU….Wait Lord, don’t go there, don’t touch that part of my life, don’t ask me to give up that! I will go anywhere, do anything but that or go there! Are we giving God just half of us, or do we only relate to God and others when we can relate on our terms…you’re welcome on my left side, but stay off my right!

God's many blessings this trip!

gave up posting on that hundred days...cuase I lost my passward and could not sign in...so as far as the hundred days goes, I may just start over, or I may not...we will see

God has really blessed me this trip!!!

 I had no plans of visiting my mom or sending church anytime soon.  I saw Mom, and severl folks from the church as I passed through last summer on my way to Kansas City with the Alaska DTS team.  It has been about two years come October since I came out for an acutal planned visit.   But it cost so much to drive out here from Wyoming..and with a new school coming up in Sept...I just wasn't sure I had time.

But then mom called to tell me she had figured out a way to get me to SD for free.  My Step- Dad Dave was making a run  (he drives Truck) to Canada and back and has been doign so every few weeks.  she proposed that I hop in as he was headed back to the midwest and then catch a ride back out next time he goes to Canada.  So with two days notice I packed my bags and arranged someone to water my garden and eat my strawberries that were just about to go red.  and Gator and I hopped int he semi with Dave.  It was a great drive, good time to catch up! 

Mom has been working durring the days so I am actually using my days to work on my teachings.  I will be teaching for two weeks durirng this upcoming DTS (Father Heart and Overview of the Bible) as well as I am developing a 12 week plan to bring alot of what we learned in Circuit Riders into this next DTS.)   and evening we hang out.  I spoke at Church last sunday and have seen several people at church, but have not yet connected with anyone outside of church.  I should probably do that! 

Usually when I come visit mom I also borrow a rig from them and drive down to Missiouri to see my grandparents, aunts and uncles on my biological fathers side.  I was pretty nervouse the first time I went down there 7-8 years ago...but now I really enjoy the visit.  He is not part of the picture just yet and Im 100% ok with that.  but this year, money being tight I wasnt sure how I was goign to get that done...my grandpa on that side has deteriated in health considerably.. so I knew I had to make it happen somehow.  Being scheduled to speak last weekend and not sure if I would beable to head back to Wyoming this week or next I had to take what days I could get.  Unfrtunatly the best days for me to travel last week was also the days mom had taken off to spend time with me.  I jhokiingly suggested she come with me...knowing she had no desire to revisit her past.

But my mom amazes me!!!  She decided to come along...infact she provided the vehicle, fuel and hotel for the trip.  Anyone who has heard my testimony has heard me share that my mom left an abusive marriage with my bio father to protect herself and me.  I am so grateful she did.  My bio father was an addict, and dangerous man...she spent years fearful he would find us again and in order to protect us both cut off all ties with him, his family and even his sister who was a good friend of my moms.  When I reconnected with that side of the family howver many years ago that was...it was pretty nerve wracking for my mom and me.  But I met my missouri grandparents and his siblings and relaixed they were not like, or responsible for the choices he made in life.  I kept telling mom that she met the bad apple in the bunch.  I am blown away she decided to make this trip with me.  I think in someways it was healing for her.  She really enjoyed gettign to reconnect with her friend Terri whom she had not seen since before I was born 37 years ago.  My Uncle Jimmy was the only member of the family able to attend his brothers weddign to my mom and he joked about how Ross' being an hour late for his own wedding was sort of an omen wasnt it.  One day we went out to dinner with my Aunts and my mom comments later that she hasnt really ever gotten to do that with her current sisters  in law before and she flet very much  warmly welcomed by them.  We even talked about next time I should bring her with me again and we all should go to Branson.    I am equally gald that now, she wont worry as much when I do go down there to visit my other family. 

on top of all those blessings, in the past 3 days I have been given 1250 dollars.  (500 of it came in the mail box back in Cody)  I still owe the YWAM base 2 months worth of rent (June and July) so now I can catch up, pay bills and put alteast 500 of it towards outreach in Dec and January...and I dont even know yet where outreach will be though I personally am leaning towards South Africa.  So that is pretty cool.  Another practical blessing, my mom and I went to the store and buying new clothes or undergarments is not usually my priority so she blessed me by replacing some garments of mine that had gotten pretty stretched out holey and useless, plus blessed me with a dress outfit...cause I just happen to be here for my cousin's wedding (next weekend) on the Zierke side and I had not expected to be able to attend that, and hadnt even realixed the timing of this trip would correlate with the wedding.  So that will be cool to see all my Zierke family too this trip...I usaully try to connect with my grandparents each time I come to this part of the country...but it has been probably 5 years or more since I saw the rest of them. 

Sort of a Bust…but not really

Well we are off to a wonderful start aren’t we?  My purpose with these 100 days is two fold. 

1.  Tending the Physical Garden -  By getting in the habit of working out daily…(I always good Monday Mornings it is the other 5 days of the weeks that I loose it.)

2.  I'm great as having a Daily Quiet time (most days) but in this season I wanted to spend time asking the Father to reveal to me things about myself (not merely weakness as we can all nit pick ourselves to death, but strengths, truths, affirmations. 

So Monday comes along and I sleep in a smidge getting up at 6:30…I had plenty of time to get up and work out…but not enough time to work out, clean up, cook breakfast and have a quiet time…so I decided to catch up with the Lord later in the day….only after being headache free 51 days…I got a headache.  It was one of the nauseating kinds where your eyes don’t work to focus…etc…needless to say time with the Lord never did happen.

Tuesday Morning, I still had a headache  so decided not to get up early….rolled out of bed just minutes before having to be in the office….but again my eyes would not interact with a computer screen…so I through my bible and my dog in the truck and headed to the lake…Had a peaceful time praying and talking to God…did some reading…sort of…That evening I decided to try out Gator;s new pulling harness….he pulled about 75-100 lbs of dirt…but he needed my help to get it started and then needed me to help when he got tired…however we added to our garden spot!!!  …so afterwards I took him on a walk pulling 25 lbs just to build muscle. 

Wednesday…still had a headache though it was down to a very dull and quiet roar….again could not motivate myself to get up early so ignored both working out and time with Jesus….late evening I took another walk with Gator…shorter this time as I did not want him to dislike pulling stuff!!!  and well spent time in prayer..but still never cracked open my Bible….however durring the day I sorted pictures from rodeo camp and well I hate seeing pictures of myself…so it was a good motivator of sorts….I thought I want to look fit, but next Rodeo Camp.

This Morning I got up 5:30, worked out, spent time in the word, and realized that even though my week has not yet looked as I planned, each day I did exercise a little and each day I did spend time with the Lord. 

Most importantly Each day I did take some time to Ask My Dad to show me truths about myself.  

2.  I am a member of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of God’s Own choosing.  (1 Peter 2:9)

3.  I am a leader, called and empowered by God;  I have much to give and pour into others.

4.  Blessed be the Lord my rock, Who Trains my hands for war and my fingers for battle.  - Psalm 144:1

5.  I am the temple of the Living God.  (thought that hit me while listening to a a worship song with the lyrics “My God is not dead. He is surely alive and He’s living on the inside, roaring like a lion.”

Season of Tending, Beautifying and preparing my Garden

 

Even though it was after midnight when I arrived home this morning, I could not go to bed until I recorded in this new journal some of the thoughts I had on the drive home.  It seems that I am entering a new season. 

Rodeo Camp is over, the months of labor to prepare for it are done…but now it is time to get ready for the Fall Discipleship Training School,   Our January DTS just went home and having been feeling like crap for so much of their school I never did get over feeling out of the loop…but the fall school will be different…I have energy, feel great and I have vision!  Cant wait to get started. 

Headache free!!  But now I want to get in shape…never really been in shape…but I always felt incapable of doing much about it…now well  got a fairly low key summer I think…anyhow…I forsee time and I have the desire to make the most of the next few months.  So although I usually get up couple of times a week to work out my goal is to be consistent 5-6 times per week…PRAY FOR ME

The Theme of Week 1:  You are a Daughter of God; A Royal Princess in His Kingdom. 

This first week is just an introduction the to topic.  It encourages the reader to watch the movie Princess Diaries and compares us to young Mia.  Mia lived her entire life as common not knowing she was Royalty.  and when she did discover she was a princess she felt super unqualified for the job.  If we are Born again believers, then we are children of God that makes us sons or daughters of the King of Kings!!!  It might seem cheesy to call yourself a Prince or Princess but that is who you are!  Just as the kid in the movie had to learn how to walk, speak and act as Royalty we too need to learn to live in such a way we represent our Father and His Kingdom.  We need to learn to accept the privileges, take part in the responsibilities and walk out in our authority. 

It is a little weird doing a study I wrote years ago….to be honest the kids I wrote it for, hated it!!!   I felt it was complete failure.   But before leaving for Turkey I had given a copy to a friend in Cody who used it with her 2 young daughters (9 and 18 at the time) and they loved it.  Since I compiled a few other bible studies in writing it she is always encouraging me to either re-write it using only my own resources or ask those I referenced for official permission because my friend in Cody thinks I should pursue publishing it for homeschooling families or for mother/daughter  or independent teen bible studies.   We will have to see if I like it this second time around!

A Good book to read on this topic of Knowing who you are…Would be “Supernatural Ways of Royalty”  by Kris Vallotton.. (by the way if you read this and I lent my copy to you…please return it! or at least remind me of who has it, incase your still reading it…

I decided to start my list of Revelations of Who I AM with the last statement I wrote in my last 100 day season

1.  My Daddy is the King of all kings!!!  Jesus is my older Brother & Holy Spirit is my Teacher and Guide.  I am empowered with the fullness of His Spirit and I am a reflection of Jesus Christ.

I would like to invite you on a journey

Not sure what is with 100 day seasons in my life over the past year…but Here I go again on my third 100 day Journey…this one I challenge you to come along. 

the first 100 day season started in July of 2012.  I felt this urgency to be more purposeful in how I seek the Lord…Little did I know at the beginning of that season that I would have such an impactful time in Kansas City at Circuit Riders, that I would drive the Al- Can 3 times and the God would redirect me from the ministry in Alaska back to Wyoming.

My Second 100 days Journey started in March of this year and ended June 8th.  This time the goal was a fast for health reason….I had been plagued with intense headache and migraines several times a week for months.  The first 50 days alternated between a 10 day Daniel Fast, 30 day Juice Fast and back to a ten day Daniel Fast….the last 50 days I started easing back into foods….I had headaches throughout most of the fasting detoxing stage…but am happy to say that Today is 51 days headache free. 

During each 100 day season I also set out to Spend time with God, and allow Him to teach me to see myself through His eyes.   Every Day I would ask my Heavenly Dad, “Papa, how do you see me?”  Sometimes a scripture verse would immediately come to mind, other times a compliment from a friend would be spoken or come to my remembrance.  Other days it was a song or a phrase that would catch my attention and I would know that God wanted me to know that statement was true about me.  I think it is important that we see ourselves through our Fathers eyes and think of ourselves the way He thinks of us.  However in my two 100 day seasons I only wrote out 70 phrases….guess I was not as diligent in asking God how He saw me as I intended. 

                                                So Last night buying Groceries in Wal-Mart I stumbled across this Journal and knew immediately that I wanted to start a new journal.  I have journaled for years now and each Journal seems to mark a season in my life.  Usually on the first page or two I write out what I suspect God has for me in the next few months to few years that I intend to  use that Journal.  Usually I am right about the things God wants to teach me and shape in me…but it almost never comes as I had expected.  Seems every journal I am just a little hopeful that by the time It comes to a close the Mr. Right will have finally made his entrance into my life story.

For me a Journal is not so much for recording daily activities , thought I sometimes do, but it is a record of things that stood out to me in my morning Quiet times or God moments that caught my attention through out the day. 

I have been pretty pleased with the results of my last 100 days, I am eating healthier, lost a little weight, started working out again…though not as regularly as I intend…So I had been thinking in the next few weeks between now and the start of the September Discipleship Training School I was going to work on developing the habit of working out every day!!  continuing to eat right and making it my Goal to remain HEADACHE FREE and to loose weight, get in shape etc.  I figured I had a little over 70 days between now and the Sept School.

Then Last night when I found this Journal…and began the 30 mile drive home I began to dream about this next season…what might it look like?  I had this desire to focus on two Bible Studies….One I wrote for the girls I taught in Turkey it is a 34 week study I loosely titled Princess lessons, based on Proverbs 31.  The second one I would like to do is to dig into the Song of Solomon in more depth….If I don’t miss a week it will take me 50 weeks to complete these two studies, that is nearly a Year!!!  Not sure if the Journal is thick enough…but we will see. 

Starting this New Journal and hoping to use the next two months of a relaxed Summer to be diligent in working out daily not just on the mornings I feel like it…I began to think what if I started another 100 day season.   I want to finish my list of a 100 things God says about me.    I really felt like the theme of my life for the next 100 days  as well as for the duration of this journal which will outlast the 100 day window and hopefully cover the next 50 weeks of Bible Study will be tending the Garden. 

Spiritually it is always my goal to spend more time in the Word, more time in Prayer, to be more free in Worship and praying in the Spirit.  I want to Know my Lord more and Share His heartbeat for the people around me…I want my life and my Character to honor, glorify and please Him.  I want to be a light to those around me. 

Physically, I am gaining control of my health, but I now I want to focus on working out more consistently…I want to see the fruit of pounds being shed and I want to continue to live with out being bothered and slowed down by the pain and weariness that had plagued me this past fall and winter.

Emotionally I want to be more confident in who I am a a Daughter of the King.  Like anyone else I get down on myself and feel I have nothing to offer…but that is not How God see’s me, I am His Masterpiece.  His Beloved Child, His favorite….I once heard a Preacher – Andy Taylor out of OK say that  WE ARE WHO OUR FATHER SAYS WE ARE.  I need to not believe or speak anything else out about myself but what God says.

For me the next 100 days will be days I hope to spend with Jesus.  I am already pretty consistent with having a morning Quiet time…but this time my focus will also be on starting the “Princess Lessons Bible Study” 

The next 100 days will be days I intend to take care of the outside of me…get out and exercise, drink plenty of water and continue eating healthy….during the last 100 days I ate mostly veggies, fruit and nuts….towards the later half I added some meat, some dairy and some grains back in….I plan to continue that plan (at least until Sept 4th when our next DTS begins) 

and the part of the Journey I am inviting you on is for the next 100 days I am going to review  and build upon that list of Statements God says about me.  Every day I am going to ask God to show me How He sees me…I'm going to share the list I already started and I encourage you to take the next 100 days to ask Your Heavenly Dad to reveal to you how He sees you…cause that is who you are. 

And well recoding the next 100 days here…will hopefully get me in the habit of keeping up this silly blog better…instead of the periodic every 6-10 month posts I have done for the last few years.