We leave for St.Lawrence Island in just 5 short days. A month ago I was excited and looking forward to the chance to minister in this native community in the middle of the Bearing Sea. Right now I am dreading it. Quite Simply I don’t want to go. Where did all this nervousness and unrest come from? I have been trying to place my finger on it for a few weeks now. Last night I was explaining to one of my team mates why I was dreading the trip. “I hate that sort of face to face evangelism, it is not my gift.” I am not good at talking to people I don't know.” Anybody who knows me, has probably noticed this to be true. Get a group of people around and you will find me sitting quietly in the back corner watching everybody else.
So this morning I took my bible and journal and hopped into my truck to drive to one of my new found quiet places. “I don't get it God” I uttered. “Why was I so eager to go a few months ago but now that the time is here I no longer want to go? Even though I know you said You would provided I am full of doubt that the needed finances will get here in time? What is wrong with me?”
Than it hit me, I feel very insignificant! I feel utterly useless as if I have nothing to add to this outreach or this community. I have forgotten who I was created to be.
I am the daughter of the King of all kings. I am His treasured Jewel, precious in His sight. I am a woman of influence and authority. I am loved by my Daddy God. I am not going into this village as a nobody. I am going with my Heavenly King into a land that belongs to Him to reconcile a people He loves dearly unto Himself. I go empowered, sealed and confirmed by His spirit. I am royalty, and I go as an ambassador an official of His Kingdom. I have authority, wisdom, power and love at my disposal. I am not insignificant!
“The Truth of God’s Grace humbles a man without degrading him & exalts a man with out inflating him.”
- The Supernatural Ways of Royalty
written by Bill Johnson and Kris Vallotton
A beautiful post, Loralie. This is something that I also struggle with, and God has been working on me and in me for years.
ReplyDeleteI will pray for God to you the words to say and provide more than you need in all areas. Love to you!