In planning to come I envisioned myself, teaching the girls who would be enthusiastic about every new unfamiliar concept. I hoped my love for discovering something new would be contagious. Often it seems like I’m pulling teeth. I ask them “So what did we learn yesterday?” and they say half heartedly “Dunno.” One consistently walks in and scowls all morning long till she wakes up enough to be sociable. The other is almost always in a good mood, but a bit absentminded and oh so very messy!!!. I spend most of my time repeating myself, cleaning up after them or waiting on them….they are late to school slow to get stuff out for the next subject or always tuning me out so I can say, “Next I want you to get …..out” and not 5 seconds later they go “What do we need now?” I guess the good way to look at is I have the opportunity to grow in patience. Or to learn to correct with out being harsh and critical.
I felt my being here was a great opportunity to prepare the girls for the upcoming experience of attending school in states. I know I'm doing that, but it is frustrating when I continually here, “Why are we studying this, or I know this already or what does it matter?” They may not see the value now, but I have no doubt they will see it when they get stuck in a American public school and force fed the new truths that are commonly taught there. They will always have in the back of their mind, “Wait, that isn’t accurate. I learned this but…..” Additionally I have no doubt the girls will be well ahead of their peers in both world and American History. I hope I can also say that about their ability to write and express themselves…but so far we are still struggling in those areas.
I imagined myself spending my days discovering alongside of the girls, and my evenings working on my writing. I have a story I'm editing and one I'm hoping to finish while here. Not only would I have plenty of time to write my stories but I would have ample time to read, study and work on my teachings for speaking in DTS’. Instead I quickly learned that if there isn't going to be a test, they wont apply themselves, so now I spend my evenings writing out tests and exercises to help them think through the concepts we are studying, in hopes that it may sink in. So as soon as they leave each day I prepare for the next day or the next week… So far I have edited one of my stories a little bit, but I haven't written a single line. That and it seems I never get a day off! On the flipside I now know more about American and world history, geography, English grammar and vocabulary then I ever knew before. All this repetition and studying is good for me!
When I learned that we had to take two weeks off of school, during the end of January, I thought ‘Cool! maybe I can take that time and do some traveling either here in the country or in Europe. I wanted to ride a train! See the 7 churches or go to Ireland. Instead I'm to spend those two babysitting the kids while their parents travel to speak in a D school out of the country. It is a great opportunity for the parents!! I'm happy for them. I came wanting to be a blessing to them and their kids, so I will smile and nod and never let on that I had hoped to make other plans. Besides it is an opportunity to serve My Lord Je*us and say “Not my will but Thine be done.”
I assumed that after spending 10 months in this nation I would really learn the language. I would get plenty of chances to talk to my neighbors, get to use it….Instead I spend all my time alone. I read my language books, when I have time…..I set up a study program for myself but truth is I have been here 3 months and I've only done two weeks worth of my studies. In fact the only time I even hear Turkish is when I go to the grocery store or to the Sunday night meetings, I don't usually catch what is being said, but I try. I just learned this week I'm not going to be able to attend the fellowship meetings anymore cause their oldest daughter needs help babysitting the toddlers. I'm going to go home knowing little more Turkish then I came knowing. I know that needing help with the little kids is a good problem to have, it means they have new people coming who are seeking truth. That is important and a worthy cause. I will keep studying my books,and I have TV here, maybe I will start watching the Turkish channels and see how much I can understand. and I can always practice by speaking to Asia, my dog. If I spoke only Turkish with her I would at least learn to use it more naturally.
I envisioned myself using this time to get in shape, and to play guitar so that when I get home I look better and play better. Instead the guitar had to be left at home cause I could not afford to bring it and all the books I was brining to bless the kids with. Books they actually don't seems to care about. And as far as working out…My body started this health issue two weeks after being here, and I can keep the symptoms under control most days but I tell you a long walk or a good work out and it gets bad……I can always make a point of mastering the guitar some other time, in some other season! As far as the health issue this a season to learn to pray and stand. this is a season to seek Dad, and when it is all over it will be an awesome testimony! I will be stronger physically, spiritually and emotionally. I may not go home weight 120 lbs….but If I eat right and work out faithfully (symptoms or no symptoms) will go home closer to that ideal then I was before. I may not be there yet, but I am closer than I was yesterday!!!!
I sort of hoped this would be a blessed time of friendship with the family and team here. Truth is I spend most my time alone, preparing for the next day’s class, playing farm town, or being homesick for friends and the culture of Wyoming. I often wonder, why I’m here? My closest companion is that silly puppy that I’m going to have to leave behind when I go home. This seems to be another desert time. You know those dry seasons of life where things are hard and you have no one to turn to but God! Yet when you emerge form such a season your roots are more deeply embedded in the One who provides all truth and nourishment.
Sorry I just had to vent. I will got back to telling good news. In fact I'm going to start by going back through this post and find the good news in each obstacle.
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