OHANA

I first heard this term while binge watching Hawaii 5-0 on Netflix.  In the first few seasons it seemed nearly every episode the characters (members of a law enforcement team) would use the term Ohana in several of their conversations.  As they explained it, the term is Hawaiian for “family”.  They were not talking about a family limited to flesh and blood, but a family birthed through covenant.  It’s an intentional choosing of others; a tribe or people who claim you as their very own.  It’s a place to belong.  As I watched this show I could not help but notice how empty my life was of Ohana and how much I longed for it.

Historically members of the body of Christ used to refer to one another as Brother and Sister.  This is Brother Bob and he is married to Sister Julia.  I am not sure if the terms were because they truly viewed others as adoptive siblings, or it was a formality…but the tradition has faded in most church settings.  I go to church with a bunch of people on Sunday morning that I don’t really know in my day to day life.  I recognize they are members of the same family of God, but they don’t really feel like my legitimate family. Add to that within our communities we have so many different houses of worship.  Each with their own name, congregations and denominational theology, etc.  Sometimes the different representations gather for a community related thing but mostly they keep to their own four walls and traditions  They all may claim the name of Christianity but they view one another with pride in themselves and disdain for those that don’t share their particular brand.  They sure don’t act like a single family but a bunch or distant possibly even feuding clans. I can’t imagine the pain in God’s heart as a Father when He looks on the body, broken and divided as it is,

I will be honest I don’t like church as it is normally represented. I am completely turned off when someone base their doctrinal argument on the teachings of some fallen man. It breaks my heart that in my own flesh and blood family there is teaching of man in the way that hinder us sharing communion together.  I am bored to death with attending a church service on Sunday and conversing in small talk.  When I ask how you are I don’t want to hear the standard fine, I want to hear your highs, lows hope and dreams.  I want to see people through God’s eyes and I want to be seen truly myself.  I guess I have been spoiled.

Surrendering my life to Christ back in 1997 I was nearly immediately influenced by friends and family who were each part of differing expressions of the body of Christ.  My parents were Lutheran, one cousin Baptist, one Charismatic, two friends in a false teaching that claimed Christianity and so many others.  I asked questions of all of them. Each had their own interpretations of what the Bible meant when it says……  I had to learned to dig into the Word of God to sort out the differing opinions. Rejoice in the Truth shared and overlook the differences that were not black or white.  Soon I was enveloped into a team ministry made up of people from several Christian backgrounds.  I had friends who were Amish, Baptist, Mennonite, CMA, Pentecostal, Presbyterian the list goes on.  I learned so much from each of them.  We focused on our similarities not our differences and soon I could see as long as we had Jesus in common, His blood was truly thicker than water!!!

Serving in team ministry we did life side by side.  We worshiped together, studied together, ate together, prayed together, played together, hung out together.  You get the jist.  My life was closely knit with the people I fellowshipped with.  I could look around the meal table at any moment and say this is my family, these are my people this is my tribe!!!  This is what nearly my first two decades of following Christ looked like!!!! I was so blessed not to have the "Normal" church experience, but the abundant one instead!!!  In all reality, I probably experienced the Family God intended for all of His kids

I imagine I got to live a reflection of the church as found in Acts.  In those days Chruch was the church of Corinth or Ephesus, etc.  it was the Conglomerate body of the entire region.  They may have met in larger groups in the Synagogues or by rivers on the Sabbath.  Yet throughout the rest of the week they broke bread in one another’s homes, they gathered together in small handfuls of people to fellowship, pray and encourage one another.  They did life side by side.  Teachers taught and mentored not just in words but in doing life with their followers.   Many sold their possessions choosing instead to share all things in common, so they could better care for the poor, widowed and orphaned.  Imagine if you will a commune without the sex, drugs and cultic leaders.   

That is the concept of Family God intended for His Body the church.  That is Ohana.  A family, clan, tribe made up of people intentionally chosen, adopted and united by the blood of Christ. Brothers and Sisters in Christ, Spiritual Mothers and Fathers not just in formality or overused but unfelt name…but in function!

I grew in Christ in an environment surrounded by Family in the truest sense.  I was mentored and loved by Spiritual mothers and fathers, encouraged, taught and shared life with friends who became as close as any brother or sister.  I have invested in people that I soon looked on with the love, protectiveness, pride and passion any mama bear has over her cubs.   

My last Christmas with the Nicholson I was given a family tree plaque.  Although some of the branches on that tree represent my blood family, many more represent my adoptive kin.  That gift meant so much to me, cause for me, family has long since been so much bigger than people whose last name I share.

That loss of kinship has been the biggest hole in my life the past few years. Most of you know the story or part of it anyhow.  I had a break in the team I ministered with for nearly 17 years.   Words were spoken and ties were cut.  Covenant broken.  Both parties are guilty, but I suspect neither party fully sees or owns their part.  I still don’t fully understand how Christians can walk away from covenant relationships.  I did not think it was possible. I did all I knew to do.  The pain has been worse than anything I have ever felt. And to be honest held me prisoner to my own hurt and unforgiveness for so long and left me to terrified and crippled to say yes to another ministry, leader or vision.  That's why it has been three years and I let all those other ministry doors grow cold on the back burner...I was to scared to trust again.

My experience was broken, not by God and not by people but torn asunder by the enemy who comes to steal kill and destroy.  I love the people involved still.  but I lost this beautiful picture of what church can look and feel like and fumbled my way into what church looks like for the vast majority of Christians.    I have my blood family, I have my work relationship, I have people I reach out to and I have crowds of strangers I cross paths with.   in attending church on Sunday mornings or Wednesday evenings I have my church.  These circles don’t overlap much…and truth be told I don’t feel seen let alone known in any one of them.  To me it is such a foreign land to walk in and yet It is normal for most everyone I know, even the church. 

I miss the sort of fellowship and intimacy that I have known as “normal” in the circles I ran with.   I miss doing life in a community who shared my love for God, and His truths.  I miss sharing a common vision with the team around me and working to reach out and love others.  I miss having shared goals and vision that drastically impacts not just my life and calling but all of ours. 

In the past year or two of trying my hand at a "normal" life.  I have grown in my dissatisfaction at what most find to be normal, I find I am longing for so much more.  It has been a time to wrestle out what I’m looking for and what I bring to the table. I miss full time ministry but I'm enjoying this season of a job that pays. I don’t want to leave the church that was the first to send me out into missions….but I also don’t desire to go, just to go.     I am rebuilding connections with loved ones who I stepped back from as I grieved.  

I keep coming back to the verse in Psalms 68:6 “God sets the Solitary in Families”

My entire Christian walk was Him surrounding me with family to run with, for a season or a lifetime.  Some really were related by Blood, but God strengthened the ties by building on a shared love of Jesus. Others became family through shared time and circumstances. So much so I don’t differentiate between blood by relation or blood by Jesus.  Others were family for a brief season.  The time we shared life may have been short but the ties went deep.  Even overseas the people I lived with became extensions of that family! 

Sometime it was other families opening their arms and welcoming me in…..but as I grew in the Lord it was me opening my heart and arms to welcome others in.  In any team I led my greatest desire is for the season that we shared together we would become “family”

I realized that although I am looking for a Family of believers to do life with, I am also looking for lonely hearts in need of a family. I long to share my meal table and living room and heart with people needing a family.    I want to be the house with coffee pot always on. 

Remember my mentioning the Christmas gifts of a family tree earlier?  I dreamt once I hung that plaque on the wall in the hall way of my future home and extended the branches off the picture onto the wall itself.  From one branch hung my mom, Dave’s picture followed by John, Matt and of course room for Matt’s girls.  The Nicholson Clan had their own cluster of limbs.  My Underwood, McCoy and Zierke roots each had a group photo.   On each extension of the tree were images of folks who God has grafted into my life, “framily” Friends +Family.  There were pics of Masons/Viles, Kingstons, and YWAMers all over the world.  But one branch the one representing my own line extended all the way down the long hall way.  From this branch hung pictures of children God has already called me to pray for, (kids I’ve met and loved over the last 20 years) and kids I will one day call my own.  Whether that biologically, foster or via adoption.  In my dream I was hanging a child’s picture on the wall and telling the kid, motioning to the entire wall Families are not just blood, this is my family, and now this is your tribe too.”

I don’t know what life will hold but I know I am looking for my Ohana.  We are all created to be part of a family.  I am called and gifted to create family, to nurture family and to build it.   I know who some of them are, you reading this might be part of my tribe of intentionally chosen FRAMILY…..but there are members of my tribe I have not yet met. They may be people who I will look to as mentors or folks I can run with. There are even ones who may come to the table empty and broken and I am called to pour into.

The Coffee pot is on, Come on in!!!